Rev. David Holwick J The Life of David, #10
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
March 23, 2014
2 Samuel 14:1-14
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I. Unhappy families are interesting.
A. New Jersey family airs their dirty laundry for the world.
We have all heard about the Canning family, whose daughter
was kicked out and turned around and sued them for support.
She was partying too much and the parents did not approve of
her boyfriend.
Rachel Canning left home and moved in with friends, then
tried to get her parents to pay for her private high
school and eventually college.
We will never know what the judge would have decided because
Rachel moved back home and dropped the case.
Her lawyer, however, wrote an interesting article for the
Star-Ledger newspaper.
Tanya Helfand says Rachel had a pretty strong case.
Parents in divorces are often ordered to pay college expenses
for their children up to age 23.
Sometimes courts even mandate graduate school.
She mentioned that New Jersey is a "no fault" state.
This means the law doesn't consider morality in the
situation.
In this state, an unemployed wife can commit adultery, file
for divorce and still collect substantial alimony.
She argues even if Rachel was a bad girl, that doesn't
matter - her parents are still obligated to support her.
Material support for children is a legal right. [1]
How many rights does a rotten kid deserve?
Public opinion has not been in her favor, to say the least.
It would be very interesting to eavesdrop on the Canning
family right now...
B. Biblical families faced the same issues.
1) Family members warred against each other.
2) They actually make the Canning family look downright tame.
3) They also sometimes experienced grace and reconciliation.
4) Wouldn't it be wonderful to have the grace without the
conflict?
II. David's family was more messed up than most.
A. Absalom killed his half-brother Amnon on behalf of his sister.
1) Amnon had brutally assaulted his half-sister, who was
Absalom's full-sister.
a) In a shame-based society like theirs, it meant the
girl was ruined for life.
b) So Absalom quietly plotted, and had his brother put
to death.
2) It didn't hurt that Amnon had been first in line to
inherit the throne, while Absalom was probably second.
a) (Abigail's son Daniel was #2 but he never seems to
have been a contender.)
b) Absalom was a natural politician - 2 Samuel 14:26 even
says he had good-looking hair.
1> He was the John Edwards of his time.
2> At an early age, he dreamed of being on top.
3) Murder is murder, and Absalom had to flee to Geshur to
avoid the death penalty.
B. When you don't know what to do, do nothing.
1) Absalom languished in exile for three years. 13:38
a) His father David controlled this area so he could have
gone after his son to arrest him, but he didn't.
b) No one hunted him down, but no one contacted him either.
2) Facing emotional choices like this, inertia sounds good.
a) Unfortunately, David had adopted the policy of inertia
for too long.
b) He had known about Tamar's violation for a long time
before Absalom acted, but David did nothing.
c) He was undoubtedly torn by the tension between justice
and love.
3) General Joab decides to break the ice. 14:1
a) He knew that David missed his son.
b) He knew that Absalom wanted to come home.
c) So he concocted a plan.
III. Snared with a story.
A. A wise woman and a cunning story.
1) Indirect approaches have a certain edge.
a) Stories have a way of putting you in a situation and
giving you a new perspective.
b) That is why preachers use them.
2) The prophet Nathan had already used this technique on
David to good effect. 12:1
a) He used a story of a little lamb who ends up for dinner
to get David to convict himself for adultery.
b) David must have been a sucker for stories.
B. The script.
1) The woman dresses like she is heartbroken. 14:2
2) She portrays a widow with two sons, and one son kills the
other.
3) Her clan wants vengeance. 14:7
a) This was how that society handled murder cases.
b) You didn't rely on the government, you did it yourself.
1> The Old Testament law commanded it.
c) Also, it could be profitable for them.
1> She would have no heirs and the clan would get
all her land.
2> Her plea to David - preserve my guilty son.
A> David agrees.
B> She makes him swear to God on it. 14:11
C. She springs the trap. 14:13
1) Since he also has a banished son, why doesn't he save him?
2) A parable about spilled water. 14:14
a) It probably means we cannot bring the dead back, but
we can preserve the living.
b) God himself has a preference for life.
1> He comes up with ways to bring people back to him.
3) The passage seems to be alluding to Cain and Abel.
a) Cain murdered his brother out of spite.
b) The punishment was banishment.
Genesis 4:14-15
"Today you are driving me from the land, and I will
be hidden from your presence;
I will be a restless wanderer on the earth, and
whoever finds me will kill me."
But the LORD said to him, "Not so; if anyone kills
Cain, he will suffer vengeance seven times over."
Then the LORD put a mark on Cain so that no one who
found him would kill him.
c) So instead of executing Cain, God preserves his life.
1> Since God does this, shouldn't David?
2> She wraps up by comparing him to an angel.
IV. What is your situation?
A. Many families are torn by estrangement.
1) Even Christian families.
2) Since we have a strong sense of right and wrong, it can
be especially hard for us to reconcile.
3) We don't want to operate on a "no fault" basis - this
would be like letting evil win.
B. The wise woman is correct - God wants people to come together.
1) It is a wonderful ministry to do what she does.
2) Estranged family and friends often need a catalyst to
break the inertia.
V. David gets the point.
A. He fingers General Joab right away. 14:19
1) Joab had probably already shared his viewpoint with David.
2) The woman fesses up, but reminds David that Joab just
wants to "change the present situation."
a) I side with the general on this.
b) If a relationship has been messed up, someone needs
to do something.
c) (Joab may have ulterior motives in this reconciliation
- he was thinking of his own "situation.")
3) David agrees to let Absalom return. 14:21
a) But there is a condition - he can't come close to David.
b) He is banished from the royal court, where Absalom
really wants to be.
B. Molatov Cocktails can do wonders.
1) Absalom doesn't like partial reconciliation so he
fire-bombs Joab's field. 14:30
a) One way to get someone's attention. (Not a good way.)
2) Absalom comes back to the full graces of his father.
C. Reconciliation is not always pretty.
1) Absalom turned out bad.
a) This passage gives many hints about his character.
b) Eventually he attempted to overthrow his father.
2) Happy endings are not guaranteed.
a) Reconciliation pleases God, but it doesn't always work.
b) Many people don't want to give up their rottenness.
c) Others get more pleasure holding on to a grudge than
doing the hard work of peace.
d) Even so, we should never give up trying for it.
D. When reconciliation happens God's way, it is a beautiful thing.
Yvonne Trimble is a Christian missionary in Haiti.
On September 27 last year, Yvonne Trimble's mother died.
As a young wife, this woman gave birth to five children in a
five-year period.
She then had a postpartum depression with psychotic features.
Treatment helped her function but her reasoning and affections
remained marred.
When Yvonne was nine and her sister just four, their mother
abandoned her husband and children.
For the remainder of their childhood, the family did not
experience the love or nurturing help of a mom.
Yvonne's father Tony raised five children alone, sacrificially
providing for them.
Yvonne says, "I am who I am today because of my Father;
I never saw him drunk or with another woman.
The Marine motto 'Semper Fi' was tattooed on his arm; it was
who he was, 'Always Faithful' to God and his family."
He lived with Yvonne the last 18 months of his life, then died
after entering a nursing home.
His death put something in Yvonne's heart.
She told her sister, "Find Mom!
When you call to report Dad's death to Social Security, find
out where her checks are going."
They had last seen her 30 years ago.
The mother had idols in her apartment and practiced witchcraft.
Her Christian daughters tried to witness to her but she
rejected them.
Then 10 years ago they heard from a half-brother that their
mother had been living in a van for the past six years.
The van was impounded and they discussed who would take her in.
The children who had once been abandoned by this woman refused
to help her.
They heard she lived in homeless shelters and on the streets
until someone placed her in a psychiatric nursing home in
2012.
Then their father died.
It took just a few weeks to locate their mother in a Seattle
nursing home.
Yvonne's sister said their mother had a Christian tract in her
purse and was wearing a crucifix.
Questioned about her faith, she said she knew Jesus.
Yvonne flew ten hours from Haiti to Seattle to spend 12 hours
with her Mom.
For the first time her mother spoke to her in a loving way.
Their mother was laid to rest beside their father.
They grieve, but they know where their mother is, and they
praise God for the miracle of forgiveness and reconciliation.
#64278
VI. There is one reconciliation you should not mess up.
A. Every human needs to be reconciled to God.
1) We may not realize our relationship with him is broken,
but it is.
2) Whenever we sin, we drive God farther away from us.
B. The good news is that God wants to bring us close again.
1) As the wise woman told David, God has devised a way so
that we don't have to remain estranged from him.
2) The way he has devised, is Jesus.
2 Corinthians 5:19-20 says,
"God [is] reconciling the world to himself in Christ,
not counting men's sins against them.
And he has committed to us the message of
reconciliation.
We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God
were making his appeal through us.
We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to
God."
C. If you have been reconciled, be a reconciler.
1) Bring loved ones back together.
a) Perhaps you could be a peacemaker in your family.
2) And you can do even more - bring them back to God.
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SOURCES FOR ILLUSTRATIONS USED IN THIS SERMON:
[1] Adapted from "Why Rachel Canning sued her parents," by Tanya N.
Helfand, Star-Ledger newspaper, March 21, 2014, page 11.
#64278 “An Estranged Mother Finds Faith,” Yvonne Trimble, Haiti For
Christ Mission newsletter, October 30, 2013.
These and 35,000 others are part of the Kerux database that can be
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