Ephesians 4:15      Weighed Words

Rev. David Holwick   M

First Baptist Church

Ledgewood, New Jersey

April 23, 2017

                                         Proverbs 15:23 & Ephesians 4:15


                      WEIGHED WORDS



  I. Tactless New Jerseyans.

      A. Are there regional differences?

          1) Recent conversation about Southerners vs. Northerners.

          2) Consensus is Southerners love to chat and are very polite.

          3) New Jerseyans believe in getting to the point brusquely.

              a) People know where we stand, and they don't like us.


      B. Rise above your region.

          1) Christians have an obligation to communicate well.

              a) We must be truthful.

              b) We must be loving.

              c) We must be appropriate.

          2) How well are you doing?

              a) This sermon was suggested by the deacons, so they

                    feel you need to do better!

              b) Also, it fits in with our Pray Thru Proverbs emphasis

                    in the month of May.

                  1> Read one chapter of Proverbs each day, and pray

                        at 6:00 that night.

                  2> You will find a lot of verses that deal with your

                        tongue.


      C. Your mouth is powerful.

          1) The book of James and the damage that tongues can do.

              a) He describes it as a spark that ignites a huge fire.

              b) People can be built up or torn down by simple words.

          2) Our words show who we are and what we value.

              a) Use your mouth wisely, in a way that honors God.


II. Your words must be appropriate.

      A. Apt words are the right words at the right time.     Prov 15:23

          1) Give thought to the words you use and the situation you

                are in.

              a) You shouldn't crack rude jokes at a funeral.

              b) In a crisis situation, consider if your words would be

                    insensitive or misunderstood.

          2) The same statement can be taken completely differently

                in various settings.


      B. Positive words are (almost) always appropriate.

          1) Build people up.

          2) Encourage them.

          3) Point them toward God.


      C. Words that are not appropriate.

          1) Bad language is always inappropriate.


             Paul writes in Ephesians 5:4...


             "There [should not] be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse

                joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving."


          2) Hateful and angry words can do much damage.

              a) Strong emotions may be appropriate, but assess whether

                    you are burning bridges with this person forever.


      D. Aptness takes discernment.

          1) Ask yourself how Jesus would respond in this situation.

          2) Give thought to what you are going to say before you say it.


III. Your words must be truthful.

      A. Honesty is important.

          1) Obviously, we shouldn't lie.

              a) It is one of the Ten Commandments.

              b) The specific focus is on courtroom testimony.

                  1> People's lives can hang in the balance.

          2) Positive integrity is just as important.

              a) Lift up what is right and just and encouraging.

              b) Bring out the best in other people and situations.


      B. Truth can be painful.

          1) "Speaking the truth in love" is often the opening for a

                rebuke.

              a) Someone said this to me yesterday and they didn't even

                    know what I was preaching on.

              b) I tensed up, wondering what was coming next.

              c) I expected the truth to be negative and to come across

                    more strongly than the love part.

                  1> Fortunately, I was on the peripheral of the issue.

                  2> And they were very loving about it.

          2) Rebukes have their place.

              a) People are not perfect and need to be straightened

                    out sometimes.

              b) The book of Proverbs says one of the best things you

                    can receive is a rebuke from a friend.


                 Proverbs 27:6 -


                 "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy

                    multiplies kisses."


              c) Wise rebukes can help you and others become better

                    people.


      C. God's truth can be painful.

          1) It can expose our sin and reveal to us what we really are.

          2) When a Christian exposes the sin of someone else, they

                probably won't like it.

          3) Make sure you are really in tune with God before you

                cut into someone's soul.


IV. Your words must be loving.

      A. Unfiltered honesty can be harsh.

          1) One man's crusade.


             Brad Blanton is the founder of a movement called

                Radical Honesty.

             He believes it is important to live without lies.

             Instead of just dancing on eggshells your whole life,

                you just tell the truth - all the time.


             Blanton goes further.

             He says we should toss out all the filters between our

                brains and our mouths.

             If you think it, say it.

             Confess to your boss your secret plans to start your own

                company.

             If you're having fantasies about your wife's sister,

                Blanton says to tell your wife and tell her sister.

             To him, it's the only path to authentic relationships.

                There is no such thing as oversharing.


             One reporter tried this in his own life.

             His mother-in-law visited him and asked if he liked the

                birthday gift she had sent him.

             He told her, "No, not really.  I don't like gift

                certificates.  It's like giving me an errand to run."


             He found it harsh, but liberating.

                It opened up his eyes.

             When he started being radically honest with others, they

                sent it right back to him.

             He started hearing truths that he never expected.


             The end of his experiment came when an old man sent him

                some poems for review.

             The man's wife had just died and he wanted the reporter's

                opinion about whether they were good enough to publish.

             The reporter lied.

             Maybe the truth would have been more helpful to the old

                man in the long run, but the reporter didn't have the

                   heart to hurt him.

                                                                   #36002


          2) This is a dilemma for every Christian.

              a) We want to be honest, but we don't want to hurt people.

              b) But sometimes withholding honesty ends up hurting them

                    more.

              c) Ask yourself what the end result is that you seek.

                  1> Pain for a short time might be more healing for

                        them in the long run.


      B. Even painful words should be done out of love.

          1) Not just your attitude behind the words.

          2) Are you willing to back it up with positive actions?


      C. Questions can work better than lectures.

          1) Christians are noted for lecturing people.

              a) I am not the only "preacher" in this congregation.

              b) Some of you like to pontificate, too.

          2) Jesus knew a better way.


             A few years ago, Forbes Magazine had an article called

                "The 3 Most Powerful Ways to Change People Who Don't

                    Want to Change."

             It referred to an experiment done by behavioral scientists.

             In it, two 12-year-old boys tried to persuade smokers they

                encountered on a city street to stop smoking.


             Their first approach was to hand out tracts on the dangers

                of smoking to every person with a cigarette in their

                    hand.

             Then they tried to explain to them why they should quit

                smoking.


             The researchers followed up behind the boys, and found that

                90% of the recipients had responded negatively.

             The scientists called this the "lecture approach."


             Then, the two boys were sent out again with what they

                called the "influential question" approach.

             The boys had cigarettes in their own hand and asked

                anyone they saw smoking if they would give them a light.

             Almost every time, the smokers declined to give them a

                light and told the boys why they shouldn't smoke.


             The boys would follow up with another question: "If smoking

                is bad for us, what about you?  Why are you smoking?"

             That got the smokers to start thinking.

             When the researchers followed up they found that 90% of

               these smokers committed to try to stop smoking!

             What a difference in the two approaches.


             But why did the second approach work?

             One of the biggest mistakes we make is 'attacking' people

                with information and lecturing them.

             We assume that if they knew more, they would change.

             But they don't need more information - they need motivation.


             The way to do this is not with speeches, but with good

                questions.

             Jesus used this approach - 300 times he asks people

                questions.

             He asks the blind man Bartimaeus, "What do you want me to

                do for you?"                                   Mark 10:51

             That sounds pretty obvious, but he gave the man the chance

                to reveal his faith in Jesus as He healed him.


             When Jesus dealt with opponents, he often posed his

                challenges as questions to get them to think about their

                   positions.

             Instead of attacking them, he undermines their arguments.

                It worked very effectively.

             Use questions to make people think, to see their need to

                change, and to figure out for themselves how to do it.

                                                                   #16613


  V. What do your words reveal about you?

      A. Perhaps you don't communicate much.

          1) Proverbs praises those who listen more than they speak.

          2) But sometimes sparse words are an indication of avoidance.

              a) You want issues to go away on their own.

              b) You want to avoid personal responsibility.


      B. Perhaps you communicate too much.

          1) If you dominate conversations, is it a sign you are

                self-centered and proud?

          2) Cuba's Castro was a prime example.


             He gave a speech before the United Nations that lasted

                4 hours, and one in Cuba that was 7 hours and 10 minutes.


             Radio personality Tavis Smiley visited Cuba in 1998

                and had an impromptu interview with Castro.

             He said it went on for hours and he only got about six

                questions in.

             Castro never seemed to come up for air.

             When Smiley tried to interrupt him, Castro wagged his finger

                at him and kept on talking.

                                                                    #1065

          3) Probably only you love your own voice.

              a) Let others share their words too.

              b) Listening is a key to good communication.


      C. Always communicate God's love.

          1) Make sure his love is inside you first.

          2) Then see what you can do to bring it to others.

          3) Tell them the Good News about Jesus and his wonderful

                salvation.



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SOURCES FOR ILLUSTRATIONS USED IN THIS SERMON:


# 1065  Mr. Motor Mouth, by Rev. David Holwick; adapted from Longest

           Speeches in History, by etriplett, no date; <link>,

           and The Time I Stood Up to Fidel Castro, by Tavis Smiley,

           Time magazine, Nov 28, 2016; <link>.


#16613  Jesus: The Master of the Question, by Mary Schaller, Christianity

           Today, April 6, 2017, <link>.

           The Forbes article can be found at: <link>.


#36002  Radical Honesty, by A. J. Jacobs (edited by David Holwick),

           The Week Magazine, September 11, 2009.  The original article

           is adapted from the book THE GUINEA PIG DIARIES by A.J. Jacobs,

           (Simon & Schuster, Inc., 2000).


These and 35,000 others are part of the Kerux database that can be

downloaded, absolutely free, at http://www.holwick.com/database.html

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