Ephesians 5_25      What Women Want

Rev. David Holwick  ZG                               Family Improvement #4

First Baptist Church                    

Ledgewood, New Jersey 

October 10, 2004

Ephesians 5:25,28-29


I. What women really want.

      A. Card at WalMart.

             "According to a recent, study, the older a women gets,

                 the more likely she is to fantasize about having

                    two men...

                (picture of two hunky young men, then inside:)

             ... one to cook and one to clean."

      B. Freud's assessment:

           "Despite my 30 years of research into the feminine soul,

               I have not yet been able to answer the great question,

                  What does a woman want?"

      C. A humorous assessment, by generation:

         WHAT WOMEN WANT IN A MAN -- Original List ... (at age 22)

             1. Handsome

             2. Charming

             3. Financially Successful

             4. A Caring Listener

             5. Witty

             6. In Good Shape

             7. Dresses with Style

             8. Appreciates the Finer Things

             9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises

            10. An Imaginative, Romantic Lover

         WHAT WOMEN WANT IN A MAN, Revised List ... (at age 42)

             1. Not too ugly - bald head OK

             2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car

             3. Splurges on dinner at McDonalds on occasion

             4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking

             6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture

             7. Usually wears shirt that covers his stomach

             9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down

            10. Shaves on most weekends

         WHAT WOMEN WANT IN A MAN, Revised List ... (at age 62)

             1. Doesn't scare small children

             3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep

             6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself

             7. Usually wears some clothes

             8. Likes soft foods

             9. Remembers where he left his teeth

         WHAT WOMEN WANT IN A MAN, Revised List ... (at age 72)

             1. Breathing                                          #28451

      D. Humor aside, the expectations females have is changing.

          1) Movie that reflects Old World values:

                Iranian immigrant speaks to his wife and concludes,

                "This is what we will do.  Do not speak.  Do not open

                    your lips."

                Then he leaves the room.

          2) Is this how God want us to treat women?

              a) What does the Bible say?

              b) What do Christian women say?

          3) My church assessment.

              a) I ask some key women in the church about this issue.

              b) I get the most detailed answers from one named Celeste.

II. Women want Appreciation.

      A. In most relationships, women probably contribute the most.

          1) Perhaps God created them to be more nurturing.

          2) Men should give them credit for this.

              a) But this doesn't mean men can't contribute a little


      B. Men should be less self-centered.

          1) When men want to go somewhere, they just leave the house.

          2) Women have to make sure kids are taken care of first, and

                a host of other issues they are responsible for.

        1 Peter 3:7 - "Husbands, be considerate as you live with

                         your wives, and treat them with respect."

      C. Men should show their wives/girlfriends respect.

          1) Positive compliments.

          2) No putdowns or criticism.

          3) Faithfulness is the ultimate way to show respect.

             Malachi 2:16 - "Don't break faith [with your wife]."

III. Women want Attention.

      A. Communicate better, listen more.

          1) Be aware of what they are concerned about.

          2) Share their feelings.

          3) Don't let it go in one ear, and out the other.

          4) Dialogue, don't decree.

             When a fracas breaks out at your house, which works best

                to resolve it, decrees or dialogue?

             Some of us are quick to issue decrees.

             A cartoon showed a husband and wife sitting together in

                the office of a marriage counselor.

             The husband is speaking, and says, "Now that I've told you

                my side of the story, let me tell you hers."


      B. Be positive rather than negative.

          1) Compare Abigail and Nabal.                     1 Samuel 25:3

              a) He was surly and mean, she was intelligent & beautiful.

              b) In the end, he lost out, big time.

          2) Constant negativity will break their spirit.

              a) Build them up instead.

      C. Be responsible for family duties.

          1) Share the parenting.

          2) Do your chores.

          3) Repair the house.

IV. Women want Affection.

      A. Affection goes beyond sex.

          1) Women seem to think men have a one-track mind.

              a) This is because men tend to have a one-track mind.

          2) We can show our women that we are broader than that.

          3) Affection shows intimacy without ulterior motives.

      B. Use the 5 "Love languages."        [Dr. Gary Chapman]

          1) Words of affirmation, or building someone up with

                positive words.

          2) Acts of service, or doing something to show love to a


          3) Giving of gifts, or providing visible symbols of love.

          4) Quality time, or spending time with a loved one and

               focusing exclusively on her.

          5) Physical touch.                                    #4642

      C. The little things can matter the most.

         Maybe you've heard of Jack Kublesky, from Waukega, Illinois.

            You may know him as Jack Benny.

         When Jack was a young man, he was working in the studio.

         He saw a young woman working there and he wanted to ask her

            out but he was too shy.

         So he sent a single, red rose to her desk with no note

            attached to it.

         He thought a rose was a nice symbol of beauty and love.

            Everyday, she received a red rose.

         Finally, one day, she asked the deliveryman who was sending

            the roses.

         He said a guy named Jack who worked there.

            They began talking and they went out.

         She thought after they went out the roses would stop.

           But they didn't.

         They kept coming...a single red rose every day.

         They were engaged and she thought the roses would stop.

            But they didn't stop.

         They came after their wedding day.

            A single red rose every day.

         Even after their first anniversary, they kept coming.

         After five years and ten years and decades later, the single

            red roses continued to show up.

         Jack Benny died.

         The day after his funeral, a single red rose showed up.

            The day after that, another red rose.

         On the third day, she went to the florist and said, "I don't

            know if you realize this or not, but Mr. Benny passed away.

         It is kind of you, but you do not need to do this any longer."

            And the florist said, "Mrs. Benny, you don't understand.

         Jack made provisions years ago to provide you a single red rose

            every day you are alive."

         What does it say?

            You are valued.

            You are loved.

            I care for you.


  V. Women want a man who is Active in Faith.

      A. Most women want a spiritual man.

          1) Though they often settle for a man who goes along with


          2) Give them better than that - be a committed believer.

          3) Even better be a leader!   (family devotions handout)

      B. Spiritual men love their women the way Jesus loves us.

          1) Ephesians 5:25 - they are willing to sacrifice everything

                for her.

          2) Context of passage is controversial - wives have to submit.

             Last night I did a surprise 25th anniversary celebration

                where they renewed their marriage vows.

             The wife had no idea it was going to happen.

             I used the traditional marriage ceremony with a few


             One word brought laughs from the crowd - "will you love

                him and obey him".

             The concept of submission in Ephesians 5 gets a lot more

                attention than the sacrificial love.

             But if a woman is loved sacrificially, they won't mind

                submitting to him.

          3) 1,400 years ago the great Christian preacher named

                Chrysostom (golden mouth) made this comment:

        "Have you seen the measure of obedience?

            Hear also the message of love.

         Do you want your wife to obey you as the Church does Christ?

            Then care for her as Christ does the Church.

         And if it becomes necessary that you should give your life for

            her, or to be cut to pieces a thousand times,

               or endure anything whatever, don't refuse it...

         Christ brought the Church to his feet by his great care, not by

            threats or fear or anything else;

               so should you conduct yourselves toward your wife."




# 1635  "Decrees And Dialogues," by Dr. Eugene Brice, Dynamic Preaching,

           www.sermons.com, Fall 1991.

# 1776  "Care For Her As Christ Does The Church," by St. John Chyrsostom,

           from an old sermon preached by Rev. David Holwick; original

           source unknown.

# 4642  "The Five Languages Of Love," by Rev. Glenn Gunderson, First

           Baptist Church, Pomona, California.  Gunderson is quoting

           Dr. Gary Chapman.  Also see #17119

#28451  "What Women Want In A Man," author unknown, from


#28453  "Roses From Jack Kublesky," by Rev. Steve Richards of Messiah

           United Methodist Church in Plymouth, Minnesota, in a sermon

           titled "What Women Wish Men Knew About Women," Jan. 12, 2003.

           This sermon and several others provided much material for me.

           I suspect the original inspiration comes from Rev. Rick Warren.

These and 25,000 others are part of a database that can be downloaded,

absolutely free, at http://www.holwick.com/database.html


Copyright 2017 by Rev. David Holwick

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