Exodus 20:14      The Fallacy of Affairs

Rev. David Holwick

First Baptist Church

West Lafayette, Ohio

August 29, 1987


The Fallacy of Affairs


Exodus 20:14, Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)



What do George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson all have in common?  They are famous Americans who are known to have committed adultery.  To this list we could add Jim Bakker, Martin Luther King, Jr., and King David.


Adultery is a pretty popular pastime.  Garrison Keillor has said that a preacher should never say in a sermon, I am human just like anyone else, because immediately the congregation will think two questions:

  1. What is her name?
  2. How long has it been going on?


Adultery is not only popular, it is getting more so.  Have you heard the statistics?  No one is absolutely positive but a conservative figure is that more than 50% of all married men will commit adultery at least once.  The figure for women is close to 50% and climbing as more women get jobs outside the home.  The statistics for Christians are not much different.  Little kids have a standard excuse but everyone is doing it!  Its not hard to find where they get it from.  Whatever happened to the 7th Commandment Thou shalt not commit adultery?  In America it has fallen by the wayside.


The sexual revolution is not something my generation thought up.  Most historians trace it back to World War I.  The war caused many to question higher authority, whether in government or religion.  In the mid 1920s everyone had a car, which meant you could go where you wanted and your parents (or wife) couldnt keep up with you.  Intellectuals like Margaret Mead taught that it was wrong to have inhibitions about sex.  Inhibitions are for prudes.  Samoans enjoy free sex, why not us?  Then came birth control and widespread abortions, so affairs no longer carried a possible penalty.  The Womens Liberation movement killed the double-standard.  It used to be than men cheated while women stayed at home, pure.  Did womens lib make men pure?  No, women said, We can cheat too!


Affairs became fulfilling instead of damning.  At the same time our attitudes changed, so did our foundations.  Families are more mobile and less tied to relatives and friends.  We are morally accountable to fewer people.  We are also exposed to more temptations than ever before.  Movies, popular music and soap operas all glorify affairs.  All of us are affected by this.  Is the Bible outdated?  Are these rules only for uptight people who lived long ago?  I dont think so and neither do many other people, not all of them believers.


George Leonard is a former editor of Life magazine.  Back in the 60s he wrote an editorial that said we needed to be freer about sex.  The revolution was good.  Twenty-some years have gone by and he has changed his mind.  As he puts it, There are no games without rules.  The Bible calls it the Harvest Rule (Galatians 6:7)


Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked.  A man reaps what he sows.


Cosmopolitan magazine conducted a sex survey a short while ago.  It found that many people have been burned by the Sexual Revolution.  It has caused anxiety and disappointment.  People have found free sex but they cannot discover love and commitment.


Be not deceived an affair is a costly experience.  First of all, it will cause deep pain to your partner.  The affair may have nothing to do with them just be a little entertainment but they will still be burned.  Every loving thing youve said or done will suddenly have a question mark behind it for them.  Someday they may forgive but theyll never forget.  An affair also destroys something special about ourselves.  Most people like to think they can be trusted.  We are honest.  Our word is our bond.  Once you begin having an affair, you begin to lie.  Immediately lies and adultery go hand in hand.  In order not to hurt your family, you try to deceive them.


Many apparently succeed.  Only 31% of women eventually tell their husband about their affair.  For men, its just 17% - (Do you still trust that guy sitting next to you?)  I dont want you to rush out and play True Confessions this afternoon.  If it is over and done with, dont resurrect it, but it shows how adultery is based on deception.  When we lie, a part of us dies.  Adultery is based on fantasy.  Theres a saying that the grass is always greener on the other side.  As Dr. Dobson puts it, once you get there it still has to be mowed.


One man, a successful preacher, got heavily involved in adultery with a church member.  They gave each other love notes, had secret rendezvous, the whole bit.  He got a real thrill out of it all but eventually the girlfriend wanted more.  She nagged him with questions about his wife.  She even called the wife anonymously to break up the marriage.  This preacher told a counselor that he enjoyed having a wife and a mistress.  It was having two wives that was killing him.  Be not deceived an affair will cost you.  And yet so many people set themselves up for an affair.  Have you ever been propositioned?  Does it happen a lot?  It probably doesnt mean youre good-looking.  It means you are sending out signals that say, Im available.  You may not even be aware of it.


Youre a Christian, right?  If youre really a Christian, you dont send out vibrations.  You dont let yourself get placed in questionable situations.  One secretary, a Christian, decided it would be best not to have business lunches unless a third person went along.  Sometimes we dont take these precautions because secretly we want it to happen.  Theres no such thing as a spontaneous affair.  It always starts in your mind.  Jesus says in Mark 7:21


For from within, out of mens hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery...


That is why Jesus had to amplify the 7th Commandment in Matthew 5:27 - You have heard that it was said, Do not commit adultery.   Its not enough to avoid the act of adultery.  We must also purge ourselves of lustful thoughts because thats where it all begins.  If you stand long enough at the door of temptation the devil will see to it that someone is there to kick it open.  And that open door always seems so natural, so predestined.  God must approve.


Affairs are not just the result of lust and they may not be the cause of problems in a marriage.  An affair may be due to problems.  People by nature want affection, warmth and closeness.  If these are missing in a marriage, people may look elsewhere.  Allen Peterson, a Christian counselor, identifies 3 key areas that lead to adultery:

  1. Immaturity (Compulsive adultery vs. one-night stand due to stress in marriage)
  2. Conflict (Find peace, get even/job, in-laws, money, kids)
  3. Unmet needs (Emotional, spiritual)


Remember, only God can meet all our needs perfectly.  If you choose to focus on deficiencies of spouse, youll set yourself up for an affair.  The alternative is to build on the strong points and fix the weak ones.  Commit yourself to the relationship.  Work at love theres more than romantic feelings.


Adultery is no small thing.  Paul warns us in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10:


Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God?


An affair wont just hurt your marriage.  It can lead you on the road to hell but it doesnt have to.  By exercising self-control, by putting your energy into your marriage, you will never set yourself up for the fall.  If half of all spouses are unfaithful, remember this the other half will spend their lives with another person and not slip up once.  The Christian standard is not impossible.  Millions have lived up to it.  If you happen to fall in the other category, dont give up hope.  1 Corinthians 6 says further: And that is what some of you were.  But you were washed .... 


Adultery can be forgiven by Jesus Christ.  It can not only be forgiven but God can make you a better spouse and make your marriage happy and fulfilling.  If you are the one who has been burned, God can heal that hurt.  God wants us to be close to other people.  According to Genesis, he made us so we need someone else.  But to be close to people, we need to be close to God This is the only triangle you ever need to be involved in.

Copyright © 2024 by Rev. David Holwick

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