Matthew 18:23-35 The Gift of Grace (2015)

Rev. David Holwick (expanded version in a guest pulpit

Columbus Baptist Church where sermons are much longer)

Columbus, New Jersey

January 25, 2015

Matthew 18:23-35

THE GIFT OF GRACE

I. Would you be able to do this?

It was September 9, 1981.

Clark and Vicki Sheldon had just moved to the Ledgewood area.

They were living out of a motel because they hadn't found a home.

As they stopped at a red light on Route 46 in Dover, a station

wagon barreled down on them at a high rate of speed.

His license had been revoked. The second time.

The driver had a long history of drug use, but he wasn't on drugs

that day.

Perhaps his mind was thinking about his crumbling marriage.

No one will ever know.

What we do know is that his station wagon hit the Sheldon's car

so hard they flipped over into the intersection.

The hatchback flew open and their two young daughters were ejected.

Very young - Katy was 2, and Lyndsi was 3.

Both were killed.

The funeral service was held at Ledgewood Baptist.

They didn't know anyone in town, but the accident was so tragic

the church was packed.

Everyone who was there remembers only one detail of the service,

but they remember it perfectly.

The Sheldons, both still recovering from injuries, got up and spoke

to the congregation.

They said they believed it was all part of God's plan.

Just as their daughters used to bounce in the back seat of the car,

they were now bouncing in heaven, with God was taking care of

them.

And they wanted everyone there to forgive the young man for what

had happened.

They said they held no bad feelings for him.

After the service, they got on with their lives.

The reaction of the people I have talked to was that the Sheldons

must have been real Christians.

And more than a little nuts.

Several felt it was almost obscene to forgive their girls' killer.

#4284

A. What do you think?

In their situation, what would YOU do?

As a Christian, what SHOULD you do?

B. A test on whether you are a forgiving person:

1) Does the memory of how someone hurt you still stir up pain?

2) Do you ever daydream about an enemy, and imagine really

bad things happening to them?

3) Is there someone you are not speaking to - deliberately?

II. Forgiveness has a lot wrong with it.

A. It is unnatural.

1) Animals don't forgive predators. (sharks and dolphins)

a) Dogs eat dogs and don't apologize.

b) Nations and economies operate on this principle.

c) Freud once said, "One must forgive one's enemies, but

not before they've been hanged."

2) The best-known saying of Jesus is "Forgive your enemies."

a) Seems suicidal.

b) If forgiveness was natural, it would be easier.

B. It is unfair.

1) Our sense of justice yearns to be vindicated.

a) More directly: we want revenge.

2) Forgiving may let a bad person off the hook.

a) They may do it again.

b) Consider Megan's Law: should we forgive sex offenders??

c) Religions like Islam emphasize justice.

1> If someone hurts you, you should hurt them back.

A> Not to do so encourages evil behavior.

2> Even with another believer, payback is expected

although forgiveness is allowed.

3> For non-believers, forgiving them is forbidden.

C. It is hard.

1) Forcing yourself to live biblically.

A.J. Jacobs is the editor-at-large for Esquire magazine.

He grew up as a secular Jew and describes himself as an

agnostic.

He knew next to nothing about religion or the Bible.

He thought, How can this 2,000- to 3,000-year-old book

have any relevance to my life?

For a special assignment, he decided to find out if the

teachings of the Bible could be followed literally --

every jot and tittle.

He spent one year eating Kosher, going to synagogue and

resting on the Sabbath, and growing a beard.

He read the Bible and prayed every day.

The result was his book "The Year of Living Biblically."

One of his hardest lessons was forgiveness.

For A.J., forgiveness was a really hard thing.

Even when he did forgive, he forgave with an asterisk.

He read in the New Testament where Paul says love does not

keep a record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5).

He disobeyed this in a very literal way because, before his

year, he had been keeping score of his wife's arguments

with him.

Any time he would win an argument or she would make a

mistake, A.J. would jot it down in his Palm Pilot so

that he could remember them.

The Bible said he had to get rid of that, so he did.

He showed my wife the list, and she just laughed at him.

Her response was amusement mixed with pity that he would

even need to keep such a list.

It took a commitment to a Bible-centered life to change

this trait in him.

What could the Bible change in you?

#355

2) The only ones who should be forgiven is US.

a) This is the only easy aspect of forgiveness.

3) And yet this unnatural, unfair, hard trait is at the heart

of Christianity.

III. A little perspective helps.

A. Ten thousand talents was owed. Matt 18:24

1) 100 talents of silver hired 100,000 mercenaries. 2 Chr 25:6

2) Queen of Sheba gave Solomon 120 talents of gold. 1 Kg 10:10

3) Solomon earned 666 talents a year at peak. 1 Kg 10:14

4) David gave 3,000 talents of gold and 7,000 of silver for

construction of Temple. 1 Chr 29:4,7

5) BIG bucks - national debt. 10,000 talents = $1 billion.

B. Not able to pay.

1) Family and possessions were sold to defray the debt.

a) How much do you think you would get for your family?

1> Would you get anything for your kids?

2> Would you have to PAY someone to take them?

b) Defrays maybe one talent. 9,999 to go.

2) Pathetic plea: "Be patient - I'll pay back everything!"

C. The Master's reaction.

1) He took pity.

2) He forgave the debt.

3) He let him go.

D. Far-out details.

1) Huge amount of money.

2) Pitiful attempt to defray debt.

3) Ludicrous offer to pay back.

4) Super-generous forgiveness of debt by master.

E. Parable must go beyond a human situation to the Divine one.

IV. What the parable is really about.

A. We are in great debt to God.

1) Debt = sins. (Compare Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6:12)

2) We think of our sins as small debts. Actually, they're huge.

a) Our debts are to God, and not in comparison with others.

b) A single sin separates you from God.

3) There is no possible way we can pay them back.

a) You can't roll them over on your VISA.

b) I recently preached on Psalm 49. Verses 7 and 8 say:

"No man can redeem the life of another or give to God

a ransom for him--

the ransom for a life is costly, no payment is ever

enough..."

B. Only God can forgive our debt.

1) Not because we have earned it, but because he is gracious.

a) He offers it if we put our faith in Jesus Christ.

b) Jesus paid the debt for our sin.

1> Only through him can we be forgiven.

2> It satisfies that sense of justice - sin requires

a fine, but Jesus covers it for us.

3> We cannot earn it by anything we do - we can only

receive it and be thankful.

2) It is a popular doctrine.

a) Everyone wants to BE forgiven.

b) We automatically assume God desires to accept us, and

will do what it takes to bring it about.

V. The parable isn't done yet.

A. The forgiven debtor finds someone who owes him.

1) Denarius was a day's wage, so not a pittance, but not huge.

2) The guy owes him a few thousand bucks.

3) The forgiven guy throttles him and then demands payment.

B. Instant replay.

1) His buddy offers to pay him back (same terms as above).

2) The forgiven guy refuses, and throws him into debtor prison.

3) Word of this gets back to the king.

C. The response of the king.

1) I showed mercy - shouldn't you?

2) He throws him into prison to be tortured until the debt

is paid. (Of course, it never will be...)

D. Why is the king so forgiving, yet so ruthless?

1) A God of such compassion and mercy cannot possibly accept

as his, those who are devoid of compassion and mercy.

2) Those who can't forgive are incapable of truly accepting

forgiveness.

a) It's a double deal.

General Oglethorpe, to whom the young John Wesley was

chaplain in the colony of Georgia in America, once

said to Wesley with great pride, "I NEVER FORGIVE."

Wesley replied, "Then I hope, sir, you never sin."

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b) Do you forgive?

VI. You can do it.

A. Forgiveness is hard, but unforgiveness is even harder.

1) Bitterness can eat at you, even destroy you.

2) It will devour your relationships.

Last week I read one of the saddest webpages I have

seen in a long time.

Elizabeth Vagnoni, an advertising executive, is estranged

from her two adult sons.

She loves them and misses them, and she doesn't understand

how it happened.

They don't answer her emails.

When she calls them, it goes straight to voicemail.

They never call her back.

They have told her she is a terrible person, but have

never told her what she has done that is so bad.

One son berated her for missing the birth of his son,

but he had never told her his wife was pregnant.

Relationships might feel better when there is no contact,

but estrangement just tucks the problems away - it

doesn't resolve them.

#12422

3) Forgiveness causes pain, but spares later pain.

Walter Wangerin writes concerning forgiveness in marriage:

"Forgiving will not immediately soothe your pain.

Instead, it introduces a different pain, a much more hopeful

pain because it is redeeming.

You do "deny yourself" and die a little in order to forgive.

Pride dies. Fairness dies.

Rights die, as do self-pity and the sweetness of a pout or

the satisfaction of a little righteous wrath.

You die a little, that the marriage might rise alive."

#2105

B. How we can forgive others. #64712

1) Seek a deeper understanding of the issue.

a) Bear in mind the other person may be unaware.

1> They may not realize what they have done to you, or

how it has affected you.

2> Jesus on the cross - "Father, forgive them, for

they do not know what they are doing." Luke 23:34

b) YOU may be the one who is unaware.

1> Really listen to what they have to say.

2> Remember the estranged parent, Elizabeth Vagnoni?

I searched for her sons' point of view.

I did not find them, but I did find someone who felt

Elizabeth had treated her harshly and unfairly.

Perhaps the estrangement is not totally the fault

of selfish sons...

#12422

2) Take a small first step. (Swallow your pride)

a) Call them or drop by for a visit.

b) Sometimes it is better to write them a letter.

1> Letters are less emotional and they can read them

several times to absorb what you have to say.

3) Use an intermediary.

a) A friend or family member might be able to bridge the

gap between the conflicted people.

b) Being a mediator is a small example of what Jesus

does with us and God.

c) Paul gives a beautiful example in Philippians 4:2-3.

1> Two church women are fighting, and he wants them to

bury the hatchet and get along.

2> So he asks another person he calls "yokefellow" to

help them do this.

4) Don't give up.

a) Forgiveness and reconciliation only happens instantly

in Hollywood.

b) First steps, and even fifth steps, may produce no

healing.

c) But keep doing it as long God gives you breath.

1> He wants all of us to live in harmony and peace.

2> Trust him to bring it about in his own good time.

3> You may find that he will help you do what you

thought could never be done.

Corrie ten Boom, a Dutch Christian, spent years in a Nazi

concentration camp where she was regularly humiliated and

degraded.

This was especially true in the delousing shower where the

women were ogled by the leering guards.

But she made it through that hell.

And eventually she felt she had, by grace, forgiven even

those fiends who guarded the shower stalls.

So she preached forgiveness, for individuals, for all of

Europe.

She preached it in Bloemendaal, in the United States, and,

one Sunday, in Munich.

After the sermon, greeting people, she saw a man come

toward her, hand outstretched:

"Ja, Fraulein, it is wonderful that Jesus forgives all our

sins, just as you say."

She remembered his face; it was the leering, lecherous,

mocking face of an SS guard of the shower stall.

Her hand froze at her side -- she could not forgive.

She thought she had forgiven all.

But she could not forgive when she met a guard, standing

in the solid flesh in front of her.

Ashamed, horrified at herself, she prayed:

"Lord, forgive me, I cannot forgive."

And as she prayed she felt forgiven, accepted, in spite

of her shabby performance as a famous forgiver.

Her hand was suddenly unfrozen.

The ice of hate melted.

Her hand went out.

She forgave as she felt forgiven.

And she was probably not able to sort out the difference.

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VII. Have you experienced forgiveness?

A. Faith is the appropriate response.

B. Let God begin to change you.

About nine months later the state prosecuted the young man on

the charge of "vehicular manslaughter."

It was the first time New Jersey had done this.

In the end, the jury found him not guilty, but convicted him of

"death by auto" instead.

He served a year in prison and was released.

He told his sister-in-law that he had changed the things in

himself that had caused the accident.

He quit drugs, and changed his devil-may-care attitude.

He goes to Alcoholics Anonymous three or four times a week.

He also stops by the Dover Soup Kitchen and helps out, and

talks to addicts at the Hope House.

His family was devastated and shamed by the accident.

A year later, his father died of cancer.

The relatives got tired of hiding, and decided to do what they

could to get their good name back.

The mother helps take care of quintuplets in the area.

His sister-in-law got involved in community projects.

None of this will bring two little girls back to life.

Only God can do this.

When we forgive, we are announcing that we believe God is still

in charge, that he will work things out in the end.

If you really believe in God, REALLY BELIEVE, you can extend

the gift of grace, forgiveness, to those who wrong you.

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SOURCES FOR ILLUSTRATIONS USED IN THIS SERMON:

# 303 “I Hope You Never Sin,” Stephen Travis, from his book "I Believe

In The Second Coming Of Jesus,” 1988, page 192.

# 355 “Living (the) Bible,” David Holwick, adapted from Christianity

Today International/LEADERSHIP Journal, Winter 2008, Vol. XXIX,

No. 1, page 17.

# 2105 “Forgiveness In Marriage,” Walter Wangerin, Jr., Discipleship

Journal, #46, July/August 1988, page 26.

# 3037 “Forgiveness: The Power To Change the Past,” Lewis B. Smedes,

Christianity Today magazine, January 7, 1983, page 22.

# 4284 “They Forgave Their Children's Killer,” David Holwick; details

related by Marilyn Patterson, who witnessed the accident.

#12422 “Why Some Grown Kids Cut Off Their Parents,” Elizabeth Vagnoni,

January 11, 2015, Public Broadcasting Service,

<http://www.nextavenue.org/article/2015-01/why-some-grown-kids-cut-their-parents>.

#64712 “Estrangement: The Silent Epidemic,” Linda Bernstein, July 19,

2013, Public Broadcasting Service,

<http://www.nextavenue.org/article/2013-07/estranged-parents-and-adult-children-silent-epidemic>.

These and 35,000 others are part of the Kerux database that can be

downloaded, absolutely free, at http://www.holwick.com/database.html