Rev. David Holwick P
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
May 6, 2018
Proverbs 16:32
CONQUER YOURSELF
I. Would you pass the Marshmallow Test?
A. A classic experiment.
[A marshmallow was handed out to each person in the church.]
During the 1960s, psychologist Walter Mischel conducted
a famous experiment known as "The Marshmallow Test."
His subjects were some four-year-olds in the preschool at
Stanford University.
The object of the experiment was to assess each preschooler's
ability to delay gratification.
Each child was given one marshmallow.
They were told that they could eat it immediately.
However, if they waited until the researcher returned in 15
minutes, they would get TWO marshmallows.
Then Dr. Mischel would leave the room and watch the kids through
a one-way mirror.
About one-third of the kids in the group just couldn't wait.
They gobbled down the marshmallow immediately.
The rest struggled hard to resist eating it.
They covered their eyes, talked to themselves, sang, played
games, even tried to go to sleep.
Just like some of you right now...
Another third couldn't control themselves, and ate their
marshmallow before the researcher returned.
The remaining third who were able to wait were rewarded with
two marshmallows when the researcher returned.
Twelve to fourteen years later the same kids were
re-evaluated.
They weren't give a marshmallow again; instead, each group
was given a battery of tests.
The differences were astonishing.
Those who had been able to control their impulses and delay
gratification as four-year-olds were more effective
socially and personally as teenagers.
They had higher levels of assertiveness, self-confidence,
dependability, and a superior ability to control stress.
Remarkably, in their school exams, the "waiters" scored an
average of 210 points more than the "grabbers".
Dr. Mischel concluded that the ability to control yourself and
delay gratification turns children into successful adults.
As Confucius wrote, "The nature of people is always the
same; it is their habits that separate them." #35490
Another study concluded that an individual's I.Q. accounts for
only a third of their academic performance.
The rest has to do with qualities such as perseverance,
self-disciple, hard work, creativity - and luck.
#35490
You can't control luck, but you can learn to control yourself.
How well are you doing at it?
B. Self-control is a Christian virtue.
1) In Paul's list of the Fruit of the Spirit - love, joy,
peace, patience, etc. - self-control comes at the end.
a) I don't know if this means it is the pinnacle, or the
hardest.
2) It may come easier for some than others, but all of us can
acquire it with God's help.
II. Could you wait for the extra marshmallow? Would you wait?
A. No human has perfect self-control.
1) Only Jesus did.
2) The rest of us will always struggle.
a) I am a fairly disciplined guy, but I have areas I
struggle in.
b) I am sure you do, too.
B. The lack of self-control can be devastating.
1) Proverbs 25:28 says people who don't have self-control
are like cities whose protecting walls are all
broken down.
a) They have no defense!
2) On the other hand, Proverbs 16:32 says those with
self-control are conquering warriors.
a) Nothing can stand in their way.
b) I don't know about you, but I would rather be in this
category.
C. What self-control is.
1) It means you have control over your actions, emotions, and
thoughts so you can make wise choices.
2) Gaining self-control is hard work but lasts a lifetime.
A leadership expert once said self-control, when you are young,
is choosing to get something you want, by doing something
you don't want to do.
You don't want to do homework, if you are a normal kid.
You would rather play video games.
But if you force yourself to do homework, you will learn
something and get a good job when you are an adult.
Then you won't starve to death.
When you discipline yourself to make the good choices when you
are young, you will find you enjoy doing the good, important
things after a while.
It will become natural to you.
It becomes a HABIT.
It is hard work, but you will really benefit from it.
#17846
3) It is all a matter of discipline: We decide on the kind of
person we want to be, and then act accordingly.
III. Areas where the Book of Proverbs says you need self-control.
A. Romantic relationships.
1) Proverbs 6:26
"For a prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread, but
another man's wife preys on your very life."
2) Sex is a good thing, but very dangerous.
a) Jesus says you must control your actions and even your
thoughts.
b) How controlled are you in this area?
B. Money.
1) Proverbs 21:20
"The wise store up choice food and olive oil, but fools
gulp theirs down."
2) Proverbs 6:6 suggests studying the habits of ants.
a) They are dumb little things, but they work hard and
know enough to store up food for the long winter.
b) We need to be disciplined in our work habits, arriving
on time, doing what is assigned to us, and being
honest in all our dealings.
c) When we receive our pay, we should take care of our
bills and put some away for the future.
d) I have found that methodical, deliberate saving over
the long haul really pays off.
C. Ambition.
1) Proverbs 23:4
"Do not wear yourself out to get rich; do not trust
your own cleverness."
2) Too much discipline in a narrow area makes you unbalanced.
a) Workaholics are not honoring God.
b) You need balance in work, relaxation, family, and faith.
D. Alcohol.
1) Proverbs 23:29-30
"Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has
complaints? Who has needless bruises?
Who has bloodshot eyes?
Those who linger over wine...."
2) Alcohol has similarities to spirituality - it can make you
feel peaceful, and it can make you act weird.
3) Christians debate whether we should be moderate, or totally
abstain, but all agree drunkenness is forbidden.
a) Getting high is in the same category.
b) It may become legal, but it is not helpful.
4) If anything makes you lose control of yourself,
you need to stay away from that.
E. Temper.
1) Proverbs 29:11
"Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring
calm in the end."
2) Some things should be stifled. Rage is never helpful.
3) Always choose gentle answers over harsh words. (Prov 15:1)
IV. Personal discipline is a constant struggle.
A. You are never as strong as you think you are.
Scientists say if you think you're pretty good at resisting
temptation, you're probably mistaken.
Loran Nordgren of the Kellogg School of Management says,
"People are not good at anticipating the power of their
urges, and those who are the most confident about their
self-control are the most likely to give in to
temptation."
#35934
B. We need to acknowledge some realities.
1) Biology has an impact.
a) We may have genetic predispositions.
1> But predisposition is not predestination.
2> We can overcome even biological weaknesses.
b) You can overcome your family background as well.
2) Your friends have an impact.
a) "Bad company corrupts good character." 1 Cor 15:33
1> Even some Christians may not be good for you.
2> (Christian school worker's son learned his bad words
there.)
b) Seek out people who are good examples.
1> Be encouraged by them.
2> Learn their priorities.
A> If you need to overcome, seek out others who
have overcome. (A.A., etc.)
B> There is strength in numbers.
c) Be accountable to someone who is strong.
d) Help someone who is weak.
C. We need to lean on God.
1) Self-control doesn't mean it is all our own doing.
2) Galatians 5:22-24 says it can only come from belonging to
Jesus.
a) We have to crucify our sinful nature daily.
b) We have to keep in step with the Spirit.
3) When you are tempted, pray. When you are strong, pray.
V. It makes a difference in the end.
A. Undisciplined people pay a steep price.
1) They miss good opportunities and squander what they might
have had.
2) They may blame others, but they are the ones at fault.
B. What kind of person do you want to be in the future?
1) Analyze where you are weak and start to change it.
2) Be intentional.
3) Do it for God's sake.
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SOURCES FOR ILLUSTRATIONS USED IN THIS SERMON:
Parts were adapted from my previous sermons “In Control From the Top Down”
(July 9, 2006) and “Can I Control Myself?” (January 16, 2011).
#17846 “Quotes On Self-Control,” this quote attributed to John Maxwell.
#35490 “The Marshmallow Test,” by Tony Allen-Mills, The Sunday Times,
November 2, 2008.
#35934 “Temptation Harder To Fight Than Thought,” by Jeanna Bryner,
Livescience.com, August 4, 2009.
These and 35,000 others are part of the Kerux database that can be
downloaded, absolutely free, at http://www.holwick.com/database.html
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