Rev. David Holwick G Your Family's Foundation
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey (well-received)
February 19, 2017
Proverbs 1:8 [*]
RAISING DECENT KIDS
I. The goal of every parent.
A. We want our kids to turn out well.
1) Who doesn't want their kids to be well-adjusted, moral,
popular, and happy?
2) If you are a Christian, you certainly want them to have
a solid belief in God.
B. How have you done?
1) Some families seem to have all their kids turn out great.
2) Other families turn out only disasters.
3) Celeste and I have done so-so.
a) We see positive traits in every one of our kids.
b) But we also have some concerns.
c) To be honest, my parents probably felt the same way
about me.
C. Questioning our youth group.
1) Last night our high school kids helped serve dinner for
the Family Promise ministry.
2) I took the opportunity to ask them about their own
upbringing.
a) All of them felt they had turned out all right.
b) Most of them felt like they had turned out better than
at least one of their parents.
c) If they were critical of anyone, it was usually the
father, because dads tend to be unreasonable and
hypocritical.
d) I didn't have the nerve to ask my own children these
questions, but I'll bet their responses wouldn't be
too different.
D. Every generation gets molded.
1) We don't have total control over our children and
grandchildren but we can have a powerful impact.
2) The Bible challenges every parent to take it seriously.
a) It is a spiritual obligation for you, so do it well.
II. You are not the only one raising your child.
A. Many other forces are having an impact.
1) Schools, which teach much more than reading and writing.
a) Many of the cultural values you will support.
b) Others you will not.
2) Their friends.
a) What goes on when parents are not around?
b) Probably more than you think...
3) Television.
a) They will spend more time with this than with you.
b) From television they find out if they are pretty or
cool or sophisticated, by the world's standards.
4) The internet.
a) It amazingly new, but now all-pervasive.
b) It contains just about everything, both good and evil.
1> Lots and lots of evil.
5) Even their phones (which is same thing as internet today)
a) They will connect with people they will never meet.
b) It may have more impact on them than you do.
c) Most likely, it will expose them to things you want
to protect them from.
B. What can a Christian parent do?
1) Every generation has had its evil influences and new
technologies.
2) You just have to be more committed, consistent and
engaged and you will make a positive difference.
III. Enforce the boundaries.
A. Teach them God's moral standards.
1) Book of Proverbs begins with a father instructing his son.
a) The father gives bad examples, then urges his son to
follow good examples. We need to do this, too.
b) Their choices have consequences. Always.
2) Your kids won't pick up good behavior out of thin air.
a) Instruct them in what you expect.
B. Maintain those standards.
1) In ages past, discipline was the big focus of childrearing.
a) The book of Hebrews assumes that if anyone who doesn't
discipline their kids, it's because they aren't
legitimate parents.
2) When most people think of discipline, one thing sticks in
the mind - punishment.
A number of years ago Bill Cosby produced some comedy albums
that focused on his childhood.
In one story, Bill and his brother Russell, whom he slept
with, goofed off in their room all night long.
As a climax, they used their bed as a trampoline, till it
broke with a loud bang.
There was dreaded silence - then the heavy footsteps of
their father.
Their bedroom door swung open and there stood their father,
with the hallway light reflecting off his gut.
In his hand he held the "Belt".
The "Belt" was four feet long, three feet wide, and had
hooks on it to rip the meat off their bodies.
Are Christian families required to have one of these?
#35421
3) Everyone knows the verse, "Spare the rod and..."
a) Did you know it is not in the Bible?
1> It's actually attributed to a John Clark in 1639.
b) The Bible's version is found in Proverbs 13:24 --
"He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves
him is careful to discipline him."
4) The real emphasis in the Bible is not punishment but
guidance.
a) Teach them what you expect, and enforce it consistently.
b) 1 Timothy 3:4 makes it a requirement for church leaders:
"He must manage his own family well and see that his
children obey him with proper respect."
C. Give them a supportive environment.
1) Personal will power is not enough.
a) The chastity movement has discovered this.
b) Kids make pledges - then end up having sex.
2) Build a network around your kids.
a) In the GODFATHER movie, Michael Corleone falls in love
with a Sicilian girl.
He goes walking in the countryside with her - followed
by about 30 women.
Hanky-panky could have cost him his life.
b) Is this realistic today? Probably not.
1> But they need to know that others care, and are
watching them.
3) The friends they hang around with will have an impact.
a) This is why a church youth group is so important.
b) Try to see that most of their friends are believers
and living morally (as far as a parent can tell).
D. Temper the discipline with encouragement and praise.
1) Constant harping on them will only break their spirit.
2) Acknowledge what they do right.
3) A consistent gripe of our church's high schoolers is that
their dads harp on their shortcomings but don't praise
that much.
IV. Give them responsibilities.
A. Expect more from your kids.
An article in the New Yorker magazine described the research
of an American anthropologist.
In 2004 she spent several months with a tribe in the Peruvian
Amazon.
The tribe hunted for parrots and monkeys, grew bananas and
yuccas, and roofed their houses with special leaves.
The anthropologist went with one family on a leaf-collecting
trip down the river.
A young girl from a different family asked if she could come,
too.
She had no clear role in the group, but she made herself
useful.
She swept the sand off the sleeping mats twice a day, stacked
the leaves that were collected, and caught and cooked
crawdads for the group to eat at night.
She asked for nothing in return.
The girl was just six years old.
This anthropologist was also involved in research back in the
United States.
She and some colleagues recruited 32 families in Los Angeles
and filmed them as they ate, fought, made up, and did the
dishes.
How did the Americans train their children to assume adult
responsibilities?
They mostly didn't.
None of the children routinely performed household chores
without being instructed to.
They had to be begged to attempt the simplest tasks, and often
they still refused.
Why the huge difference?
The anthropologist concluded we indulge our children too much.
We give them unprecedented amounts of stuff.
We also give them unprecedented authority.
Two professors of psychology write, "Parents want kids' approval,
a reversal of the past ideal of children striving for their
parents' approval."
They note that in many middle-class families, children have two
or three adults at their beck and call.
No wonder two-thirds of American parents think their kids are
spoiled.
#63957
B. Start them young.
1) The Amazonian kids were given responsibilities at age 3.
a) By the time they reach puberty, they have all the
skills they need to survive.
2) Americans expect so little of our kids, even teenagers
may not know how to use the many labor-saving
devices our homes are filled with.
a) Their incompetence leaves parents exasperated.
b) The anthropologists studying the Los Angeles families
observed that many parents said it took more effort
to get their kids to help than to just do the
jobs themselves.
c) Don't succumb to this temptation.
V. Teach them your values.
A. Parents need to be pro-active on this.
1) Talk to them about what is important to you.
2) Age-old values like respect cannot be taken for granted.
As Leviticus 19:32 teaches:
"Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the
elderly and revere your God. I am the LORD."
3) Interpret key modern events to them.
a) Our government.
b) Big events in the world.
1> They may think horrible events are an everyday
occurrence.
2> You need to put it in context.
c) Parents need to give their children balance and
perspective in interpreting the world.
B. Show them your values.
1) For better kids, be a better parent.
a) Kids can detect hypocrisy a mile away.
2) Areas where you need to set an example.
a) The language you use.
b) The attitudes you express about politics, race, money,
the disabled, your job, and so on.
c) And above all, set an example with your faith.
1> Luis, one of the worship leaders of Mision Latina,
talked to me yesterday how they disciple the
young people in their worship band.
2> If the kids are upset about something, they pray
with them about it.
3> If they start slacking off, they admonish them
to put God first in their life and get back on
track.
VI. Give your kids a faith of their own.
A. Their faith will start with your faith.
Woodrow Wilson, the 28th President of the United States and
also the only one to be from New Jersey, said in 1904:
"If you wish your children to be Christians you must really
take the trouble to be Christians yourselves."
Rev. Ritch Grimes comments:
There is a common misconception about the duty of the church.
Pay attention here, because it is critical for the future of
our children and our church.
Christian education is not the job of the local church.
The local church is involved in Christian education, but the
primary place for Christian education is the home.
One day a week meeting at a church is not going to have as
much effect upon your kids' understanding of God and
spiritual things as much as what is being taught the
other six days of the week in the home.
#31395
B. Engage them in discussions of what real faith is about.
1) A decision to accept Christ is just the beginning.
2) We want them to think about and follow Jesus every day.
3) Do they turn to him for guidance and strength?
C. Keep praying for them.
1) Kids grow up very quickly, and in a world that is changing
all the time.
2) Give them a foundation that will never wash away!
[*] This Scripture was added after the sermon was preached.
=========================================================================
SOURCES FOR ILLUSTRATIONS USED IN THIS SERMON:
Various sections of this sermon were adapted from my earlier one:
“Correcting Corruption,” July 20, 2008; Kerux Sermon #26474.
#31395 “Be Christians Yourselves,” adapted from the sermon "Teach Your
Children" by Rev. Ritch Grimes, Kerux sermon #16676.
#35421 “Hooks To Rip the Meat Off Your Body,” adapted by David Holwick
from the Bill Cosby album “To Russell, My Brother, Whom I
Slept With” (1968).
#63957 “Spoiled Rotten,” by Elizabeth Kolbert; adapted by Rev. David
Holwick, The New Yorker magazine, July 2, 2012.
These and 35,000 others are part of the Kerux database that can be
downloaded, absolutely free, at http://www.holwick.com/database.html
=========================================================================
Copyright © 2024 by Rev. David Holwick
Created with the Freeware Edition of HelpNDoc: Create HTML Help, DOC, PDF and print manuals from 1 single source