Rev. David Holwick R Series on Proverbs
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
June 25, 2006
Proverbs 18:22
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I. Marriage in life and in Proverbs.
A. Are Americans falling out of love with marriage?
The high divorce rate has received a lot of attention.
You may be surprised to find out it is not as high as
advertised.
It is often said that half of all marriages end in divorce.
The actual figure is closer to 40% and for young couples
it may be even less, as low as 25%, according to an article
in The New York Times.
But something else is declining - the rate of marriage.
Since 1970 the rate of marriage has dropped 50%.
Cohabiting - living together - is rapidly replacing marriage.
As a result, one expert says, "The United States has the
weakest families in the Western world."
#31258
Down through the ages, the importance of marriage and family
life has always been understood.
The difficulty of starting and maintaining relationships has
also been universal.
B. Ways of men and women are hard to understand. 30:18-19
Physicist Stephen Hawking is considered one of the most
brilliant minds of our day.
He is the author of "A Brief History of Time," which has been
called one of the most unread bestsellers.
The moderator at a lecture once asked him about his ambitions.
Hawking said he wanted to know how the universe began, what
happens inside black holes, and how humans survive the next
100 years.
Then he said he had one more great ambition: "I would also
like to understand women."
#31255
Proverbs puts that thought this way:
30:18-19
"There are three things that are too amazing for me,
four that I do not understand:
the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake
on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas,
and the way of a man with a maiden."
II. Marriage is a good thing.
A. It is a blessing. 18:22
18:22 He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives
favor from the LORD.
B. It is based on a covenant, a solemn promise before God.
1) The positive principle is implied from a negative
proverb:
2:17 A bad woman has "ignored the covenant she made before
God."
Extreme example of covenant love from Wisconsin:
John Creviston is a husband who takes the vow, "Till death do
us part" very seriously.
Apparently his wife Shirley does also.
She allegedly wanted to kill him so she could collect a $200,000
insurance policy.
If it's true, she hired bad help.
The first killer tried to stage an accidental shooting on a
hunting trip, but the gunman got lost in the woods.
He then planned a car accident in which the husband would die as
a result of apparent drunken driving.
Using a shovel handle, the hit-man attacked Creviston, who had
been drinking, but he was unable to subdue Creviston and get
him into the car.
So Shirley, it is alleged, tried to hire another hit man, but he
rejected the commission.
Then, in exasperation, she turned to a former husband.
For the down payment she said she would forget the $1,000 he owed
her in child support.
And she would pay him an addition $9,000 when he completed the
job.
The ex-husband went to the police and Shirley was arrested and
charged with attempted first-degree murder.
How did her husband John react?
He bailed Shirley out of jail.
He escorted her to pretrail hearings and testified on on her
behalf at the trial.
As Shirley's own lawyer puts it, "This defies logic if you take
the complaints [charges] as being true."
This is rather extreme, but it how many people do you know who
forget their vow each time someone good-looking walks by?
#50
2) It requires commitment.
Jonda McFarlane is a high school teacher whose husband
was once the President's National Security advisor.
She herself is a good advisor on an important aspect
of marriage.
In a Newsweek essay a while back to says commitment
must have highest place in marriage.
It is more important than personal liberation or
careers.
She says those who fear the commitment of marriage, who
avoid the trouble and the responsibility in the name
of more time, more money or more pleasure, cheat
only themselves.
Those who wait until they reach all their other goals
before presenting themselves to a deserving mate
often find their success empty.
How much better to struggle WITH someone to reach a
common goal.
Then you are able to say, "We did it together," rather
than to strive for just your own good.
#103
C. It has love at its center. 5:18-19
1) Intense, heart-felt love, not just loyalty.
2) Romantic love as well.
5:18 ... may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
5:19 A loving doe, a graceful deer -- may her breasts
satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by
her love.
Physical love is important.
Tomio and Sachi Hidaka were a shy Japanese couple.
They were very much in love, but more in regard to spirituality
and mutual respect.
They could barely make eye contact even when fully clothed.
They had been married 14 years but had still not physically
consummated the relationship.
Sachi wrote in her diary, "Tomio and I are very much afraid but
it's now or never. Tonight is the night."
It was. Both of them had heart attacks and died.
The Bible does not take this approach, whatever some say.
Physical love is beautiful and created by God, though it must
be carefully confined to marriage alone.
#178
D. It is meant to be life-long. 2:17, 5:18
1) From youth on, not "as long as we feel like it."
2) Monogamy is norm. (Polygamy not common and led to problems)
3) Love is passed down through the generations. 4:3
III. There are no guarantees of rosiness. Bad marriages exist.
A. Marked by unfaithfulness.
1) Unfaithfulness is portrayed in the darkest colors.
2) Swayed by insincerity. 2:16
2:16 It will save you also from the adulteress, from
the wayward wife with her seductive words,
3) Not just women. Hard to find a faithful man. 20:6
20:6 Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a
faithful man who can find?
4) One of 4 things earth cannot bear:
"An unloved woman who is married." 30:21-23
B. Marked by bickering.
1) Strife. (crumbs better) 17:1
17:1 Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a
house full of feasting, with strife.
2) Nagging. 19:13
19:13 A foolish son is his father's ruin, and a
quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.
old Arab proverb:
Three things make a house intolerable: bak, tak, nak.
(bak = bugs, tak = leaking roof, nak = nagging wife)
3) Quarrelsome and ill-tempered. 21:9 (25:24)
21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share
a house with a quarrelsome wife.
(This was so important he repeats it 4 chapters later!)
a) Note that the book of Proverbs is styled as a father's
advice to his son, so it is male-oriented.
b) For balance, see what it says about grumpy men: 26:21
26:21 As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so
is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife.
C. Marked by regrets.
1) Bad marriages make you feel like you are dying. 12:4
12:4 A wife of noble character is her husband's crown,
but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.
IV. Good marriages are the ideal.
A. Good marriages should bring joy. 5:18
1) Delight in each other.
2) Exclusive claim - don't spread it around. 5:20
5:20 Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?
Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife?
B. Good marriages involve sharing.
1) Share in children's upbringing.
2) Speak with one voice. 1:8
1:8 Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and
do not forsake your mother's teaching.
C. Good marriages bring out the best in us. 31:10
(Poem of the Noble Wife.)
1) A good spouse is a real blessing. 18:22, 19:14
18:22 He who finds a wife finds what is good
and receives favor from the LORD.
19:14 Houses and wealth are inherited from parents,
but a prudent wife is from the LORD.
There's a charming story that Thomas Wheeler, CEO of the
Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company, tells on himself:
He and his wife were driving along an interstate highway when
he noticed that their car was low on gas.
Wheeler got off the highway at the next exit and soon found a
rundown gas station with just one gas pump.
He asked the lone attendant to fill the tank and check the oil,
then went for a little walk around the station to stretch his
legs.
As he was returning to the car, he noticed that the attendant
and his wife were engaged in an animated conversation.
The conversation stopped as he paid the attendant.
But as he was getting back into the car, he saw the attendant
wave and heard him say, "It was great talking to you."
As they drove out of the station, Wheeler asked his wife if she
knew the man.
She readily admitted she did.
They had gone to high school together and had dated steadily
for about a year.
"Boy, were you lucky that I came along," bragged Wheeler.
"If you had married him, you'd be the wife of a gas station
attendant instead of the wife of a chief executive officer."
"My dear," replied his wife, "if I had married him, he'd be the
chief executive officer and YOU would be pumping gas."
#17694
2) Family stability depends on her wisdom. 14:1
14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own
hands the foolish one tears hers down.
3) Wife has many opportunities to use her gifts. 31:10 ff
a) Centers on home, but extends beyond.
b) The whole community is touched by her.
V. Honor God in your marriage.
A. God is behind marriage. (He started it, for companionship)
19:14 A prudent wife is from the Lord.
B. Families who honor God are blessed by him for generations.
12:7 Wicked men are overthrown and are no more, but the house
of the righteous stands firm.
13:22 A good man leaves an inheritance for his children's
children, but a sinner's wealth is stored up for
the righteous.
1) I want to have an impact on my children.
a) I want them to have values, and faith.
2) Even better, I want to have an impact on grandchildren.
a) A godly family can mold generations.
b) What are the goals of your family?
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SOURCES FOR ILLUSTRATIONS USED IN THIS SERMON:
This sermon adapts material from my earlier sermon "Wisdom In Relationships
- Marriage" given on November 20, 1988, which gets many of its points from
Derek Kidner's excellent commentary on Proverbs.
# 50 "Till Death Do Us Part," Newsweek, December 21, 1987, page 45.
# 103 "The Meaning Of Marriage," by Jonda McFarlane, Newsweek: My Turn
guest editorial, August 17, 1987, page 8.
# 178 "Tonight Is The Night," Weekly World News, June 7, 1988.
#17694 "He Was Lucky He Married Her," by Thomas Wheeler, from Rev. Brett
Blair's Illustrations by Email, www.sermonillustrations.com,
July 28, 2002.
#31255 "Women Are Difficult For The Greatest Minds To Comprehend," by
Min Lee, Associated Press, Star Ledger Newspaper; Newark, New
Jersey, June 17, 2006, page A-19.
#31258 "The Divorce Rate Is Not As High As You Think," by Dan Hurley, The
New York Times; found at http://www.divorcereform.org/nyt05.html,
April 19, 2005.
These and 30,000 others are part of the Kerux database that can be
downloaded, absolutely free, at http://www.holwick.com/database.html
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