Rev. David Holwick Q
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
May 13, 2018
Proverbs 22:6
HELICOPTER MOMS
I. It's a different world out there.
A. Some parents just can't let go.
Back in 2012 Aubrey Ireland was a 21-year old student at a
college in Ohio.
Her parents, who lived in Kansas, wanted to keep tabs on
her since Aubrey was their only child.
They wanted her to be successful.
So they made surprise visits to her dorm, installed tracking
software on her phone and had her computer camera
record her all night while she slept, so they could
monitor her.
Aubrey finally went to court and filed for a restraining
order against her parents for stalking her, as she put it.
The court gave it to her.
For the next year they were ordered to get no closer than
500 feet to their daughter, and to not contact her.
#66065
Do you think your kids would ever seek a restraining order
against you?
B. Some parents have gone in the other direction.
Danielle and Alexander Meitiv of Maryland let their children
walk, by themselves, to and from a park in their city.
A neighbor saw them walking home alone and called 911.
The police picked up the kids and the local Child Protective
Services charged the parents with neglect.
This struck a chord with many across the nation, and this month
the state of Utah passed a free-range children law.
Within limits, parents can let their children roam free without
being charged with neglect.
It got me to thinking...
The distance the Meitiv children walked to that park was a
third of a mile.
When I was six years old, I walked half a mile to school every
day, by myself.
I played outside with my friends until dinner time and my
parents had only the vaguest idea where I was.
That was normal back in the 1960s.
And yet I would be nervous if Daniel and Kara let our
grandkids have that much freedom today.
Why is that?
Programs like church summer camps are disappearing because
parents don't want to let their kids out of their sight. [1]
Hara Marano, the editor of "Psychology Today," accuses us
of raising a nation of wimps.
Our kids can't make their own decisions, or cope with
anxiety, or handle difficult emotions without going off
the deep end. [2]
Do you think she is right?
C. The tension between freedom and protection.
1) We want our children to be safe, and we want them to be
able to stand on their own.
2) The Bible shares the same concern.
3) We don't need to hover over our children, but we have to
pay close attention to how we are raising them.
II. Train them up.
A. Proverbs 22:6 is a classic Bible verse on childrearing.
The current version of the NIV translates it this way:
"Start children off on the way they should go, and even
when they are old they will not turn from it."
1) This speaks of giving children direction at a young age.
2) It also visualizes those children becoming adults and
making their own choices some day.
a) We want those choices to be good ones, godly ones.
B. The verse is guidance more than a guarantee.
1) Many proverbs present life as black and white, success or
failure.
2) They make blanket assertions that don't always play out that
way in real life.
3) But our experience backs up the principle - children can be
set on the right path; good parenting makes a difference.
III. What your children really need.
A. Your children need protection.
1) We all know the world can be very dangerous.
a) It is not common, but children do get abducted.
b) Accidents can happen.
Jill Johnson wrote an article on helicopter parenting
after attending a funeral of a beautiful 22-year-old
woman.
She had been friends with her son in high school.
The young woman had a history of drinking too much,
so her mom thought the only way to protect her
daughter from drinking and driving was to take her
car away.
She did, but her daughter got killed by a car while
walking home.
#66064
c) We can never anticipate all the dangers they will face.
2) It is the duty of parents to instruct in safety.
a) How to cross a street, putting on your seatbelt,
avoiding dark alleys at night....
b) Show them by your personal example and words of advice.
c) Teach them how to recognize modes of molesting.
3) Danger doesn't mean we never let them out of our sight.
a) Bruises and even broken bones will happen.
b) (At Al McCollum's memorial service yesterday, his old
coach said Al had come up to him during a game and
said his arm felt funny - Al had played with a
broken arm for the first half of the game.)
c) Celeste and I were not thrilled when our kids took up
skateboarding and rock climbing and surfing, but
the challenges sharpened them - and they survived.
4) Our protection must moderate over time.
a) When they are little, we have to watch them like
a hawk.
b) As they grow older, we can let them handle many dangers
on their own.
B. Your children need direction.
1) We can give them a moral framework for life.
a) Their actions will have consequences.
b) You can begin enforcing this with consistent discipline
in the home.
c) Instill the laws of the Bible into them.
1> Not just the "thou shalt nots" but also the positive
instructions of the Bible on loving others as
yourself.
2) We can point them to a personal relationship with God.
a) This will give them the inner guidance that they can
depend on the rest of their lives.
b) He can guide and protect them long after we are gone.
c) Have you ever sat your kids down and talked to them
heart-to-heart about spiritual matters?
1> Most parents, even Christian ones, do not.
2> You may find they are surprisingly open to it -
and they may have some of the same questions you
do.
C. Your children need to be let go.
1) Train them to become independent of you.
a) The Bible describes God as a mother hen who gathers
her chicks under her wings - but even chicks have
to learn to fly on their own someday.
b) Christian financial expert Chuck Bentley says when his
kids come to him with problems they want him to
solve - especially requests for money - he says,
"I'm going to let you figure that out."
#66067
c) Children who are overprotected have been found to be
more prone to anxiety and depression.
#66064
d) I wonder if those who cling to their children and hover
over them are doing it for their own emotional needs
instead of concern for their kids.
2) Kids need to learn to handle pain.
a) Teach your kids how to suffer well.
1> Jesus promised us we would suffer, and he showed
that suffering can have deep meaning.
2> They can transform pain rather than transmit it.
3> No one gains character, humility, empathy or
integrity in the context of comfort. #64962
4> They won't wear a crown until they carry a cross.
b) Forgiving and turning the other cheek may be one of the
most important things a Christian parent can teach.
#66066
3) They need to learn to handle mistakes.
a) Failure is a great teacher.
b) Teach them to persevere until they finally succeed.
IV. You need to be committed for the long haul.
Charles Colson tells a story about one mother whose devotion
shaped not only her son's life but countless others, as well.
Her name was Monica.
A Christian, she was married to a prominent man who wasn't a
believer.
He cheated on her and even beat her at times.
Monica's response was to go to church every day and pray for his
conversion.
She hoped that by setting a godly example, even in the midst of
her mistreatment, she might win him over.
And that's exactly what happened.
The suffering and anguish caused by her husband paled beside
what Monica's oldest son put her through.
He lived a wild life, devoted to pleasure.
He left one mistress and took up with another.
His only son was born out-of-wedlock.
His lack of faith and rejection of Christian truth hurt Monica
even more.
He ridiculed her beliefs and seemed to go out of his way to
embrace competing philosophies.
Later in life he recalled how his mother wept over his lack
of faith.
Still, Monica never gave up.
The greatest preacher in the area was aware of her spiritual
concern and told her that "it is impossible that the son of
so many tears should perish."
That preacher, Bishop Ambrose of Milan, was right.
At the age of 35, Monica's son, Augustine, became a Christian
and was baptized, along with his son, by Ambrose in A.D. 387.
A few months later, on the way home with Augustine and her
grandson, Monica fell ill and died.
Monica's zeal for the salvation of her son had an impact far
beyond anything she could have imagined.
Her concern was not only that her son give up his wild living,
as important as that was.
She was also determined that he embrace the truth of
Christianity.
She prayed that he would renounce false worldviews and put his
sharp mind to the service of Christian truth.
And that's exactly what he did.
Much of what Christians believe today was first articulated by
Monica's son, Augustine.
His writings are considered classics, not only of the Christian
faith, but also of all of Western culture and civilization.
#31101
1) Do your children believe?
2) Do they honor Jesus in their lives?
3) Do your kids know what the Bible says to the world's lies?
#31101
4) You mothers have an incredible opportunity, and obligation,
to mold your children into strong and independent
believers.
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SOURCES FOR ILLUSTRATIONS USED IN THIS SERMON:
[1] From the following sources:
“Utah Passes 'Free-Range' Parenting Law,” by Donna De La Cruz,
New York Times, March 29, 2018; <link>.
“As Parents Stand on Principle, Are 'Free-Range' Children Put at
Risk?” by Kj Dell'Antonia, April 13, 2015; <link>.
[2] “A Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting,” by Hara
Estroff Marano, April 15, 2008.
#31101 “The 'Son of So Many Tears': A Christian Mother's Story,” by
Charles Colson, BreakPoint Commentary, May 12, 2006.
#66064 “Helicopter Parenting,” by Jill M. Johnson, January 25, 2016;
<link>.
#66065 “From Helicopter Parent To Lighthouse Parent,” by Tim Elmore;
<link>.
Also see “U.S. music student, 21, wins stalking order against
pushy PARENTS who monitored her every move 'to make sure she
succeeded,” by Lydia Warren, December 27, 2012, The Daily Mail;
<link>.
#66067 “When Should Helicopter Parents Fly Away?” by Chuck Bentley,
Christian Post Guest Contributor, May 13, 2016; <link>.
These and 35,000 others are part of the Kerux database that can be
downloaded, absolutely free, at http://www.holwick.com/database.html
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