Rev. David Holwick Q
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
May 21, 2017
Proverbs 26:4-5
DEALING WITH DIFFICULT DUDES
I. Some people are a lot easier to love than others.
A. Roger Ailes died this week.
1) He had a huge impact on our country.
a) Advisor to Presidents Nixon, Reagan, Bush and Trump.
b) Founder of Fox News, the most influential news source
in America.
c) He is credited with moving America to the right on
politics.
2) Yet at his death a cloud hung over him.
a) Less than a year ago he was fired from Fox News.
b) They said he had created a hostile environment for
women at the company, and harassed several of them.
c) He could be pretty tyrannical toward men, too.
3) Have you ever had a tough boss?
B. All of us have to deal with the difficult dudes out there.
1) Dudettes, as well.
2) They are the people you may not like but you have to deal
with them anyway.
a) Co-workers, bosses, neighbors.
b) People you are related to.
c) People you go to church with.
3) Some are so bad you get a knot in your stomach just thinking
about them.
C. The book of Proverbs has a binary view on people.
1) They are either righteous or wicked, wise or fools.
a) It doesn't describe people in the middle.
b) Proverbs are simple sayings and highlight the extremes.
2) You would probably recognize many of those extremes.
a) This sermon is on a topic that is often suggested
for me to preach on.
b) Apparently many of you encounter people who make your
life miserable, or at least are very challenging.
3) As a Christian, how are you supposed to deal with them?
a) I saw a poster recently that said, "I don't call 911.
I call Colt .45."
b) Christians can't do that. But we have a better way
to handle them.
II. Difficult dudes come in many flavors.
A. Mean people.
1) These can be the hardest to handle because they are hostile,
intimidating or even abusive.
2) Some writers call them "Sherman Tanks."
a) They like to run over people to get their way.
b) They don't want to influence you, they want to crush
you.
3) A key example in the Bible is the man Nabal.
a) He had a trophy wife but the Bible says he was surly
and mean in his dealings. 1 Sam 25:3
b) When he encountered David, the wife did her best to
calm things down, and succeeded with David.
c) Nabal had a fatal stroke when he realized who he was
really up against.
B. Negative people.
1) Saturday Night Live had a skit starring "Debby Downer."
a) She felt a need to throw cold water on every
conversation.
b) Negative people believe no new idea will ever work.
2) Their pessimism can wear you down.
C. Two-faced people.
1) Some writers refer to them as "Mr. Wonderful."
a) They are loved by everyone else, but they turn on you.
b) Often they are like Jekyll and Hyde and turn on
anyone when the time is right.
2) Proverbs 26:24 says --
"Enemies disguise themselves with their lips, but in their
hearts they harbor deceit.
Though their speech is charming, do not believe them."
D. Whiny people.
1) They are similar to negative people, but use it to
cling to you.
2) The book of Proverbs calls them leeches.
3) This kind of dependency wears you down.
E. We are not made out of Teflon.
1) Difficult people make us frustrated and angry.
2) You may start to harbor revenge fantasies.
3) If you are not careful, you might become just like them.
III. Dealing with them begins with understanding their situation.
A. They may have been burned in life.
1) Barry Smith had a Bible study where he had to deal with a
young woman named Liz.
a) Liz was absorbed in self-hate and responded to people
with a razor-like tongue.
b) She was often sick and always unhappy.
2) When Barry dug deeper he found she had received a lot of
verbal abuse from her parents, and had experienced a
bitter divorce.
3) Past experiences may cause them to dwell on grudges and
negativity. #2970
4) Depression is a common experience for many around us.
B. They may have been raised with no boundaries.
1) Many parents are too busy, or disinterested, to do the hard
work of giving children firm boundaries.
2) Selfishness is endemic in our society.
3) Selfish people find it hard to relate to others.
C. They may have been raised in an atmosphere of hate.
1) Intolerance and hatred can warp people.
2) They may cope by resorting to vengeance and assigning blame.
3) Our family background doesn't force us to be bad people,
but is a definite influence.
D. They may be emotionally or spiritually immature.
1) Some people don't move on in life.
2) We all know people who have the same attitudes and
behaviors they had in high school.
3) Even if they are Christians, they may be content to remain
as babies, never moving on to real meat.
IV. Are you one of them?
A. It is not just the other people.
1) If everyone around you seems hard-to-like, perhaps you are
the real problem.
2) Many of us lack self-awareness.
Leo Buscaglia, a best-selling author popular for his
messages on the importance of hugs and love, once took a
5-hour flight from Los Angeles to New Jersey.
When he took his aisle seat, it was obvious the man next to
him was irritated by his presence.
The man explained to Buscaglia that he had hoped to have
room to spread out.
Within moments, they heard a baby cry.
"Great!" the man exclaimed under his breath.
"I hate babies on airplanes.
We'll have to listen to that child scream for five hours!"
When the flight attendant advised that there was an area at
the rear of the plane reserved for smokers, he said:
"I hate smokers. They should be shot!"
Buscaglia replied: "All of them? I know some nice people
who smoke."
But the man replied with greater resolve: "I hate smokers
-- all of them!"
[The man would like our current policies.]
When at last the plane was airborne, the man turned to
Buscaglia and asked, "What do you do for a living?"
Buscaglia answered, "I am a professor."
"Really? What do you teach?"
"Mostly I teach courses in relationships, how to treat one
another, how to get along. Basically I teach about love."
The ornery traveler responded with absolute sincerity,
"I'm glad to meet someone who shares my values!"
#23009
B. See yourself for what you really are.
1) Search your own soul.
Psalm 139:24 --
"See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in
the way everlasting."
2) Have a friend give you an honest assessment.
Proverbs 27:6 --
"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy
multiplies kisses."
V. There are positive ways to handle difficult people.
A. Keep yourself controlled.
1) If you can't control your own temper, you can't influence
anyone else.
2) They can only defeat you if you allow them to.
B. Be pro-active instead of just reactive.
1) Wise people have an action plan when they deal with a
difficult person.
a) Be positive, and loving, but firm.
b) Don't argue with them, but reason with them.
c) Focus on problem-solving.
2) Difficultness doesn't go away on its own.
a) Few people want to be difficult.
1> Most have not had someone with enough love and
courage to be honest with them.
2> Challenge them directly, and they may respond.
b) There is where the apparently contradictory verses
in Proverbs 26 apply.
1> Sometimes we should confront people, and sometimes
we shouldn't.
2> The second half of each verse holds the key - can
it be beneficial for the difficult person, or
would it just drag us down to their level?
3) A loving person can make a world of difference.
a) One-on-one ministry is especially effective.
b) Humbly apply the Bible so that sinful behavior patterns
can be identified and discouraged.
c) If they are a Christian, encourage growth in godliness.
4) Have a vision for who the person can become in Christ,
rather than just want to "fix" them.
C. Set clearly understood limits and consequences.
1) Most people are uncomfortable with confronting others.
a) We have to remember that those who are not sensitive
enough to recognize normal limits often need help
in learning what those limits are.
b) When confronting is done with gentleness, love, and
perseverance, the Holy Spirit can make great use of
our boldness.
2) Learning to live within boundaries when you've never had
them is a painful process.
a) Most people do not enter into boundaries without
incentives.
b) That's why pointing out the natural consequences of
their behavior is so important in helping them learn.
D. Make the person responsible for their actions.
1) Difficult people want to shift blame rather than accept
responsibility.
a) Current trends in counseling encourage shifting blame.
1> Blame your parents for everything, etc.
b) After a lifetime of victimization, how can anyone
expect us to change?
2) God calls us to obedience in spite of any difficulties we
may face.
a) To grow out of bad behavior, only we are responsible.
b) Do not allow others to excuse their sin as someone
else's fault.
c) Harboring bitterness keeps us from God, and from others
as well.
E. Expect change.
1) God can transform lives. Rom 12:2
2) Realize that weakness in one person affects all of us.
3) Expectations give us something to grow toward.
a) Just remember we cannot DEMAND change.
b) Free people always have option to go own way.
VI. God's people should be a sanctuary for difficult people.
A. The Bible tells us to love everyone.
1) Jesus says you can't limit this to just nice people. Mt 5:46
2) God has a special love for cast-offs. Luke 15
3) Not caring for the needy brings us under judgment. Jer 2:34
B. Love can break down barriers between people. Eph 2:14f
1) It is the whole reason Jesus died on the cross.
2) He wants us to be reconciled with God, and in harmony
with one another. Does this describe you?
=========================================================================
SOURCES FOR ILLUSTRATIONS USED IN THIS SERMON:
# 2970 “Dealing With Difficult People,” Barry M. Smith, Discipleship
Journal, #85, January-February 1995, p. 83.
#65842 “He Lacked Self-Awareness,” Rev. David Holwick, adapted from
Michael B. Brown, Be All That You Can Be (Lima, Ohio: CSS
Publishing Company, Inc., 1995), p. 2; quoted in the sermon
“Living With Difficult People,” by Rev. King Duncan, Seven
Worlds Publishing (Kerux Sermon #23009).
These and 35,000 others are part of the Kerux database that can be
downloaded, absolutely free, at http://www.holwick.com/database.html
=========================================================================
Copyright © 2024 by Rev. David Holwick
Created with the Freeware Edition of HelpNDoc: Easily create HTML Help documents