Rev. David Holwick
First Baptist Church
West Lafayette, Ohio
October 19, 1986
Needing Each Other
Proverbs 27:10; Proverbs 27:17; Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, NIV
In Psalm 142:4, David says:
"Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life."
It is terrible to have no one care for you. Back in the 1930s a study was done on orphaned babies in a hospital. They didn't seem to develop like other children. So in the study they did an experiment. The children were split into two groups. One group was left in their cribs and given adequate nutrition and their physical needs were taken care of. The other group received the same treatment; but with one key difference: several times a day a nurse would hold them. The group that was held did better in every category of development.
We all need to have people care for us. What is the most terrible thing about being in a nursing home? The feeling that no one cares. If one person visits and shows they are concerned, you can endure any amount of pain.
Nature itself shows us that we need each other. There is a bird in Alaska called the Golden Plover. Every winter it does what any sane person would do - it flies to Hawaii. For this annual trip it flies across open sea. There are no islands along the way and since the Golden Plover cannot swim, it goes the whole way without a single rest stop. This is incredible because the distance is 2,800 miles and takes eighty-eight hours. Just imagine driving your car that long. The bird must beat its wings 250,000 times.
To prepare for the trip the Golden Plover pigs out until fat constitutes one third of its weight. This is its fuel. Each hour it flies, it consumes one half of one percent of its body weight (which is very efficient - jets consume twenty-four times as much). If a two-hundred-pound person did this they would lose a pound an hour.
After flying seventy-two hours a Golden Plover should have consumed all its fat, but this would leave it over five hundred miles from Hawaii. We would expect it to poop out and crash into the sea, but it doesn't. The reason is that God gave them companions. By flying in a V-formation instead of by themselves the birds save twenty-three percent of their energy. The leader breaks up the turbulent air, making it easier for those who follow. When the leader gets tired he drops to the back of the line and another takes over. In this way they not only make it to Hawaii, they also have a small supply of fat left to help them in case the wind is against them.
Jesus used birds to make spiritual applications. In Matthew 6:26 he says:
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"
If Jesus had considered the Golden Plover I think he would have pointed out their dependence on each other. People need companions just like birds do and God provides us with companions. Turn to Genesis 2:18. God says:
"The LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'"
From the beginning, God has told us to team up with other people. There are at least three areas in which we can do this. The first is our family. God's answer to Adam's dilemma was to create Eve. You are a very fortunate person if your best friend is also your spouse. It is not always this way. Many courtships bypass friendship and head straight for the hormones, or they cling together out of insecurity. Later on they may find that they don't even like the person they are married to. Friendship and compatibility should come first, not last. Behind every successful man is a strong wife. According to researchers, successful Chief Executive Officers (CEO's) are more likely to have solid marriages than other people. The television show "Dallas" has it all wrong.
There are lots of advantages in having closeness in a family. Look at Ecclesiastes 4:11 -
"If two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?"
Even electric blankets haven't made this obsolete. Verse 12 points to strength in numbers -
"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
Is your family pulling together or pulling apart? If you are pulling together you'll have the ability to withstand any opposition.
Another area where closeness is important is friends. This seems pretty obvious but many people do not have close friends. They don't have the time or they are not used to opening up to people. All of us have acquaintances but a friend is something far deeper.
If a tragedy struck you would you have someone outside your family you could turn to? This can be important. Turn to Proverbs 27:10 -
"Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother's house when disaster strikes you...."
Why not? Because your brother is no good? Not at all. It is just that he might be in the next state. As the proverb continues:
"....better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away."
You can never have too many friends.
The third area of closeness should be Christian fellowship. A friend who is a believer should be the best friend of all. In the early church everyone was close. The apostle Paul could travel a thousand miles and come to a tiny church in the boonies and they would accept him with open arms. They were close because they had a lot in common and shared many experiences together. I think the modern church has lost this closeness. Our church is better than most but still falls far short of the New Testament example. I am putting a picture of every church family on a board so we can at least recognize and name each other.
If only it could be deeper than this. Much of the problem is that church worship has become a presentation. The preacher performs - you watch. Most people don't participate and even if you do you don't have a chance to get very personal. I suppose you can't get too deep in front of one hundred and fifty people, which is why we try to emphasize small groups. During our "Macedonian weekend" I was in a group with only five people in it. That's not many but it made it special. Just by talking about what was going on in their lives, two of those people found out they had a lot in common but they never suspected it before.
Not everyone wants to be close. There's an independent streak in our culture: "I Did It My Way" is their theme song. This works fine, most of the time. But what about that "day of disaster"?
If you realize you need help from others, if you want more closeness, do something about it. The first thing you can do is seek out friends. Don't wait for them to pop up in front of you. Usually this will mean deepening the relationship with people you already know. What have you done lately to get to know your spouse better? It must be a big problem because the sixth Dobson film in the series we are studying is called "What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women - The Lonely Housewife." A little attention can go a long way. Proverbs 27:17 says friends should sharpen each other like iron sharpens iron. Complacency is the greatest danger to any relationship.
Another important area is time. We never seem to have enough of it. When you think about it, everyone has the same amount of time, we just spend it in different ways. Do you watch TV? It is entertaining but it is also passive. My daughters will always prefer a book I read to them over a cartoon on TV. When is the last time you took a long walk with a friend? Some people emphasize "quality time". You pack a lot of depth in a short period. There's nothing wrong with intensity but it only goes so far. If you are so busy you are never around the people you care about, you need to re-adjust your priorities. Remember Proverbs 27:10's advice - "Do not forsake your friend." Be close always, and not just in a crisis.
There are many lonely people, even in this crowded room. It is not always your fault - others fail - but God is always there. In Psalm 142 right after he says, "no one is concerned about me," he proclaims, "God is my refuge." God will be close to us, and he can draw others close to us. Maybe God wants to use YOU to befriend a lonely person. It will be a blessing for both of you!
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Typed on June 28, 2005, by Sharon Lesko of Ledgewood Baptist Church, New Jersey
Copyright © 2024 by Rev. David Holwick
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