Rev. David Holwick D Your Family’s Foundation
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey [very well received]
January 29, 2017
Psalm 68:3-6
WHO NEEDS FAMILIES?
I. You may not like yours, but they are hard to get rid of.
A. The kibbutz experiment.
1) Some of the early Jewish settlers in Israel were committed
Socialists.
They wanted to create a perfect society so they recreated
human relationships from the time of birth.
New babies were taken from their mothers and put in Baby
Houses where workers took care of them.
Parents saw their baby for one hour in the afternoon.
There was no cost to the parents, who got to visit with
their children a few hours a day.
The rest of the time the kids grew up with others their
own age.
They all had the same school curriculum, no tests and no
grades.
Children were expected to give their first loyalty, not
to their parents, brothers and sisters, but to each
other and to the members of the kibbutz as a group.
The kibbutz believed that granting the children independence
from their family liberated the family from economic and
social burdens.
Everyone would be happier and better adjusted, both kids
and parents.
2) By the 1970s the experiment was fading.
Parents wanted their kids around more, especially at
night.
The last kibbutz to collectively raise children stopped
doing it in 1995.
The leaders said the kids preferred the old system but the
mothers pressured them to change.
One leader said disgustedly, "Kids are not pets." [1]
B. The family endures.
1) You have no choice on the one you are born into.
2) You do have a choice about your spouse, and the number
of kids you will have, but your control is limited.
a) Spouses and kids have minds of their own.
b) Sometimes they won't like you or be nice to you.
3) Yet we remain bonded to them.
a) As the old saying goes, "Blood is thicker than water."
C. How close is the bond in your family?
1) There is much that is still under your control.
2) The actions you take will bring you closer together, or
drive you apart.
3) The lives of each one of you will be impacted by the choices
you make.
II. Families were invented by God.
A. Left by themselves, people get lonely.
1) Genesis 2:18 says Adam was lonely so God created Eve for him.
2) Psalm 68 says God puts the lonely in families.
B. Families can take more than one form.
1) We are all born into families (unless you were an orphan)
but you may end up on your own.
a) Not everyone gets married.
b) Even those who do, will probably see their children
leave the nest, and their spouse depart in death.
2) Family is still possible.
a) Even Psalm 68 refers to orphans and widows being
folded into families.
b) My two sisters-in-law live together down in Texas,
with another female boarder and some friends who are
there almost permanently, and a slew of dogs.
c) It is a matter of commitment - you will be with each
other and support one another through thick and thin.
d) As far as we know, the Apostle Paul didn't have any
children, but he says of his young associate:
"You know that Timothy has proved himself, because as
a son with his father he has served with me in the
work of the gospel." (Philippians 2:22)
d) Friends can become family if they work at the commitment.
3) Here are some principles I borrowed from another pastor... [2]
III. The meaning of FAMILY.
F - Fellowship.
A. A basic purpose of families should be togetherness.
1) We should accept one another, in spite of faults.
2) We should spend time together and build each other up.
3) If you have extended periods apart, you must work extra
hard to keep connected or your love will fade and perhaps
break down altogether.
4) And we should have a special focus on our kids, that they
feel loved and appreciated.
B. Don't just be under the same roof.
1) You are a family for a reason.
2) Build each other up.
3) Time flies by very quickly, so build your family while
you can.
A - Attention.
A. Each person in a family needs to feel noticed and appreciated.
1) Email I received from Celeste's sister Alison last night:
Husband calls the police station: "My wife is missing.
She went shopping yesterday and hasn't come home..."
Sergeant at police station: "What is her height?"
Husband: "Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall."
Sergeant: "Weight?"
Husband: "Don't know. Not slim, not really fat."
Sergeant: "Color of eyes?"
Husband: "Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed."
Sergeant: "Color of hair?"
Husband: "Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown
now. I can't remember."
Sergeant: "What was she wearing?"
Husband: "Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or
shorts... I don't know exactly."
Sergeant: "What kind of car did she go in?"
Husband: "She went in my truck."
Sergeant: "What kind of truck was it?"
Husband: "A 2016 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost
5.0 liter V8 engine, special ordered with manual
transmission and climate controlled air conditioning.
Custom leather 6-way seats and "Bubba" floor mats.
Trail-ring package with gold hitch and special wiring
hook-ups.
It has custom running boards and wheel-well lighting."
At this point the husband started to break down crying....
Sergeant: "Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck."
#65512
a) How accurately could you answer these questions about
your spouse? About your car??
b) Notice one another. Cherish one another.
c) Philippians 2:4 says, "Each of you should look not only
to your own interests, but also to the interests of
others."
2) Pay attention to each other's actions.
a) Pick up on significant behavior and make it known to
the whole family.
b) Acknowledge good report cards.
c) Praise a work of art they have produced.
d) Mention a kind action you saw them perform.
1> Whatever you affirm, that is what you will get.
B. Connect with one another verbally and emotionally.
1) One of the challenges of being an empty-nest dad is keeping
in contact with my kids.
2) It is not "out of sight, out of mind" exactly, but I have
to be intentional about keeping contact with them.
My brother Jeb is very good at this.
He calls me every Saturday night. When I am deep into
my final sermon preparation.
But if he didn't call me, he knows I will never call him.
It is sad, but true.
So I always pick up when he calls.
3) When you connect, take it to a deeper level.
a) Go beyond "What did you do today?"
b) Get to the level of feelings and hopes.
c) Even better, get to the level of God's purpose in your
lives.
Yesterday Celeste decided she had to make an emergency
visit to Massachusetts.
She got work that her mom was in the emergency room.
We already knew it probably wasn't critical.
But Celeste had to go anyway, because on her previous
trip her mom noted that Celeste always rushed up
when her dad went into the hospital.
To affirm her love for her mom, she went.
Sometimes you have to go the extra mile just for that.
4) Learn to read each other's emotional cues.
a) You can tell when they are upset, feeling left out,
feeling angry.
b) Don't use this as an opportunity to "push their buttons"
but use it as a chance to help them through it.
M - Memories.
A. Good things from the past can heal problems in the future.
1) What have been the happiest times in your family?
2) Even if you are now alone, you can be happy to leaf through
old photo albums.
3) Our house is filled with antiques collected by my parents.
a) When I look at them, I remember my folks.
b) Create memories for your own generation.
B. Make a habit of doing special things together.
1) Going to zoos, or holiday concerts, or special museums
provide a glue that bonds you to each other.
2) Your traditions at Christmas or birthdays can make you
distinct from other families.
3) Plan special events into your calendar or you will never
get around to them.
Charles Swindoll says a tyrant named "Urgent" wants to
take over your life.
You will always have something more important to do.
There is always something more pressing than a fun event
with your family.
Don't let the tyrant win every time!
C. That is why special events like birthdays are so important.
I - Inspire.
A. Be intentional about your family's spirituality.
1) Do you talk to them about spiritual matters?
2) Do you know if everyone in your family has a genuine
relationship with Jesus?
3) Talk to them about baptism, about their devotions, about
relating God to the struggles and questions of life.
B. Pray for, and with, your family.
1) This is especially important for fathers.
a) We expect the mother to be spiritual.
2) When a dad prays for his child, it makes an impression.
L - Love.
A. Love makes it all worthwhile.
1) It is also tremendously healing.
2) 1 Peter 4:8 says,
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers
over a multitude of sins."
B. You are going to hurt each other time and again.
1) Use love to bring you back where you belong.
2) Remember that Christian love is positive actions for
another, even if it is not reciprocated.
Y - Yield.
A. Yield to each other.
1) Do something unselfish for your family.
2) This last week, did you do something considerate for
someone in your home? What will happen THIS week?
B. Yield yourselves to God.
1) God wants all of you - heart, mind and soul.
2) The principles you live by should be based on what Jesus
taught us and did for us.
3) 1 Peter 3:15 says,
"In your hearts, set apart Christ as Lord."
IV. Families are tough, but fragile.
A. Some of them fall apart.
1) And yet they are still families.
2) Divorce creates divisions, but a human bond can remain.
B. Only death breaks all earthly bonds.
1) And even then, we yearn for something eternal.
A young man approached me at Taco Bell on Friday.
His father died last year.
His parents had divorced, but both parents stayed
in his life.
He was devastated by his dad's death and says something
inside him screams that it cannot end here.
He told me he feels utterly lost.
He wants to believe, he has many doubts, but he knows
only God holds the answer.
2) Do you have faith?
C. There is a family that never ends.
1) This is the Family of God.
a) It includes our relatives who have passed on before,
and other people we have never known before.
b) Everyone will be our brother and sister.
c) And we will have the best parent of all, our Heavenly
Father.
2) Do you belong to this family?
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SOURCES FOR ILLUSTRATIONS USED IN THIS SERMON:
1. Wikipedia, "Kibbutz communal child rearing and collective education.”
Also, "End of the kibbutz dream: Only one camp remains from a total
of 250," by Patrick Cockburn, July 25, 1997; <link>.
2. The basic outline of the following section is found in Rev. Dean Scott’s
sermon “Elements of a Healthy Family,” October 20, 2002 (Kerux Sermon
#19352) and Rev. Dan Warkentin’s sermon “How To Stay Close To Your
Family,” (no date) (Kerux Sermon #16206). I suspect they are
borrowing from a Rev. Rick Warren sermon.
#65512 “What He Really Missed,” email submitted by Alison Triehy of
McKinney, Texas, January 28, 2017. It got a good laugh.
These and 35,000 others are part of the Kerux database that can be
downloaded, absolutely free, at http://www.holwick.com/database.html
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