Rev. David Holwick U Family Concerns #3
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
July 13, 2008
Song of Solomon 8:6-7
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I. Can anybody make it last anymore?
A. A bad time for celebrity marriages.
1) Yankees baseball star A-Rod and singer Madonna: "platonic"
relationship ends his marriage.
(But there were apparently other women in his life as well.)
2) Christie Brinkley: judge said her husband was the kind of
man who could only love himself, and she had lousy
taste in men.
3) We love these stories - they may be rich and famous and
good looking, but their lives are just as messed up as
mine!
B. Celebrities aren't the only ones seeking true love.
1) All of us want it, though only some seem to find it.
2) The Bible gives insight on how to get it.
II. What love is all about.
A. Romance and sex are not the goal.
1) There is nothing wrong with them, in proper context, but
there is far more to a good relationship than sex.
2) The Bible's ideal is a fusion of two people into one.
a) This is stated in creation of Adam and Eve.
1> This oneness has been designed to meet our need
for companionship and completion.
2> It is also meant to relieve the loneliness that
is part of being human. #1247
b) It doesn't mean our own uniqueness disappears, but it
involves the closest bonding with another person.
c) It begins at marriage and grows from there.
3) For those who are married - are you bonding more closely,
or drifting apart? What are you going to do about it?
B. Myths of Intimacy. #1243
1) Myth #1: Acceptance is easy.
a) Reality: Initial acceptance involves accepting the
image a person presents.
Question -- how many of you fell in love at first sight?
[show of hands]
This is known as lust.
How many of you had a negative impression of your spouse
when you first met? [show of hands]
Since you are still with each other, I suppose you
overcame the differences and found something deeper
that you appreciate now.
b) Truth: Acceptance is a process.
2) Myth #2: We can make each other happy.
a) Reality: Joyfully doing our duty to make our spouse
happy lasts about as long as the honeymoon.
b) Truth: We need to serve each other, even when there
is nothing in it for us.
3) Myth #3: If I do my duty, God will change you.
a) Reality: If I am committed to my marriage and do my
homework, my spouse may change for the
better. But they may not change at all.
They may even change for the worse!
There are no guarantees in this area.
b) Truth: My commitment is to God and His process.
4) Myth #4: Intimacy means being just alike.
a) Reality: In trying not to be different, we lose
boundaries that help to define us.
b) Truth: Two different individuals can become one and
still retain their individuality.
III. Biblical love involves a decision of the will.
A. Jesus orders us to love our enemies.
1) Ever since I was a young Christian, I have been intrigued
by this command.
a) It is not that logical.
b) Yet it is at the core of Christian ethics.
2) We don't automatically like our enemies or feel warm and
fuzzy about them, but we can still love them.
3) Christian love is more about actions than feelings.
a) So Jesus tells us to do good to them and pray for
them.
B. Sometimes these enemies are right under our own roof.
Thomas Haygood, a marriage counselor in Texas, had heard it so
many times before:
"We're so different! I'm not sure I want to stay married to you.
And if I had a choice, I doubt that I would choose you again!"
These particular declarations were flung with pain, anger, and
even despair.
This time, however, his heart was pounding.
Panic began to rise within him.
The person he was listening to was not a client, but his wife!
#1243
1) Contention is a big issue even in Christian homes.
a) Of course, in church you sit side by side and smile
at everyone. Is it a different story at home?
b) The negative feelings may be there even if they are
not expressed.
2) Remember that even compatible people are not alike.
a) We will always struggle over our differences.
b) Sometimes we learn to bend, and other times we
live with it as it is.
3) It is in the messiness of real life that genuine love
is exhibited.
C. Loving when it is hard.
1) The beauty of forgiveness.
a) If you cannot forgive, you cannot really love.
b) Forgiveness is foregoing the right to seek revenge,
and instead asking God to be good to them.
c) We release them into God's hands, not ours.
d) It also means we don't record it in a mental book,
so we can bring it up later.
2) Nip off the roots of bitterness.
a) The Bible warns they grow up to choke your love.
b) If you have bad feelings about something in your
relationship, get it off your chest.
c) You don't have to ignore it, but you must deal with it.
1> Too often we "deal with it" by making snide remarks
and cutting comments.
2> Don't let unresolved bitterness destroy your family!
3) Work through your troubles.
a) There are no perfect relationships.
b) Every time you overcome an obstacle, you get stronger.
IV. Building your love.
A. Show grace in how you treat each other.
1) Undeserved acts of kindness.
a) A few years back there was a lot of publicity about
"random acts of kindness."
1> It is not just for strangers.
b) Do kind things for your spouse when they don't expect it.
1> This goes for siblings as well!
2) Be considerate of feelings.
The Star-Ledger newspaper gave front-page coverage to
a couple in NJ celebrating their 50th anniversary
this week.
(The four-times married Brinkley will probably never
attain this.)
Title: "Stars could learn from Jerseyans about marital
success".
Walter and Marie Herdge were one of those "love at first
sight" couples.
Yet they credit their success not to raging hormones but
to caring for one another's feelings.
Successful couples are sensitive couples. [1]
B. Be affectionate.
1) Holding hands in public is now considered more intimate
than a kiss, according to the New York Times. #33296
It is a tender way to say "I belong to this person."
2) Touches and hugs are powerful.
a) As Solomon says, true love is stronger than the grave.
C. Spend time together.
1) Not just time, but shared activities and interests.
2) In our busy lives, it helps to deliberately plan for
weekends away or a day at the shore.
V. We can love because He first loved us.
A. Jesus is the best example of human love.
1) He cared for his friends right up to the end.
a) Even when they didn't understand him and opposed him.
2) He apparently never had sex, yet women were devoted to him
and followed him up to the bitter end.
3) He showed his love by washing their feet, forgiving their
failures and facing death for their sakes.
B. How can you be like Jesus?
1) You don't have to die on a cross for each other, but you
can live for each other.
2) As Paul says in Philippians 2:4, "Each of you should look
not only to your own interests, but also to the
interests of others."
3) One of the greatest testimonies you can give the world is
to have a genuine love in your family that reflects the
love God has for you. Let that light shine!
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SOURCES FOR ILLUSTRATIONS USED IN THIS SERMON:
[1] "How Love Endures: Stars could learn from Jerseyans about marital
success," by Robin Gaby Fisher, Star Ledger Newspaper (Newark, NJ),
July 11, 2008, page A-1.
# 1243 "How Intimacy Almost Ruined Our Marriage," by B. Thomas Haygood,
Discipleship Journal #54, November/December 1989, p. 39.
# 1247 "Intimacy: A Realistic Approach," by Gloria Okes Perkins,
Discipleship Journal #54, November/December 1989, p. 42.
#33296 "I Want To Hold Your Hand," by Stephanie Rosenbloom, America
Online: The New York Times, October 5, 2006.
These and 30,000 others are part of the Kerux database that can be
downloaded, absolutely free, at http://www.holwick.com/database.html
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