Rev. David Holwick ZB [very well-received]
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
August 28, 2016
Titus 3:1-6
MIND YOUR MANNERS!
I. Bad ones can cost you.
A. Hope Solo's penalty.
1) She was good at what she does.
Hope Solo is a soccer goalkeeper, one of the toughest
positions in the game.
She helped the American team win the World Cup last year
and has two Olympic gold medals over a 16-year career.
Some have called her the greatest goalkeeper in American
soccer history, male or female.
During this Olympics the Americans were playing Sweden
and lost to them by one goal, 5-4.
Hope's response was to call the Swedish team "a bunch
of cowards."
Apparently she felt the Swedes were playing too
conservatively so they could win with a penalty shootout.
I don't know much about soccer, but I am pretty sure you
win by getting the most points, which the Swedes did.
Because of her rude comment, the American team has suspended
Hope Solo for 6 months.
Even more significantly, they terminated her contract to
play for the team.
Her career is probably toast.
And it is not just for this one comment, but a string of
similar behavior. [1]
2) Was Hope chastened by this?
Apparently not much. She was "saddened" by the penalty
which means she doesn't think she deserved it.
B. Rudeness is all around us.
1) People used to be taught manners at home and in school.
a) That is considered old-fashioned now, even snobby.
b) We are still teaching kids how not to behave badly,
such as to not bully others.
c) We don't teach as much on how to behave rightly.
1> Fran Drymon thinks we need a revival in this.
2) We need to be careful in how we go about it.
Beverly Hardy saw a young boy acting up in a Billings,
Montana, parking lot.
By young, I mean four years old.
The boy's mother was stunned when Beverly walked over,
slapped the boy in the face and told him he would end
up in jail.
Then she smacked him on the butt and yelled at the
mother to get control of her child.
Police were able to track Beverly down.
As they approached her house, she reportedly said,
"I bet you're looking for me."
She admitted to smacking the boy and said, "I'm 71,
I can do whatever I want."
In other words, 71-year-olds can have the same attitude
as 4-year olds.
She was charged with felony assault on a minor.
#65282
II. Manners have been downgraded by some because of the class factor.
A. The biggest proponents are often upper-class.
1) Judith Martin is famous for her columns, written under
the pen name "Miss Manners."
2) The columns are noted for their admonishing tone and sarcasm.
3) Manners can be promoted in a way that divides the rich,
powerful people from the average ones.
B. The right thing can be done for the wrong reason.
1) The English upper-class are famous for their rigid rules
of etiquette.
a) They are also famous for saying positive words that are
actually a putdown of you.
b) The tone and innuendoes make the difference.
1> One American in England said it took him several
years to get the hang of it.
2> Manners can become a cover-up for rudeness.
2) Jesus said our goodness should be genuine and invisible.
a) Even to yourself - "Don't let your left hand know what
your right hand is doing." Matt 6:3
b) Don't do good things for ulterior reasons.
c) Do it because it is the right thing to do.
C. Manners make sense on many levels.
1) "Miss Manners" once wrote:
"You can deny all you want that there is etiquette, and a
lot of people do in everyday life.
But if you behave in a way that offends the people you're
trying to deal with, they will stop dealing with you." [2]
2) To be successful in relationships, learn good manners.
a) It is good for you, and for others.
b) Incivility coarsens life for everyone.
III. Good manners reflect core Christian values.
A. Throughout the Bible we are taught to treat people well.
1) In the Old Testament, "love your neighbor as yourself."
2) In the New Testament, "do unto others, as you would have
them do unto you."
a) Jesus even gave etiquette instructions to missionaries.
1> Bless any house you enter. Luke 10:5
2> Don't move around a lot. Luke 10:7
3> Eat whatever they give you. Luke 10:7,8
B. The Bible recognizes that some people need more help.
1) Leviticus 19:14 says, "Do not curse the deaf or put a
stumbling block in front of the blind, but fear your God."
2) The elderly, the poor, the widows, little children and
women are all to be given special consideration.
a) This is why we should give up a seat to an elderly
person.
b) We shouldn't park in a disabled space unless we are
truly disabled, because someone may need it more.
c) Give consideration to those who have less power than you.
C. True believers should focus on others.
1) Jesus said the greatest people are those who serve best.
a) You should treat everyone well, including enemies.
2) Paul: make sure your words build others up according to
their needs, that it may benefit them.
3) A key to good manners is to think of the other person first.
IV. Your manners reflect what is in your soul.
A. You can't have good manners until you are good inside.
1) Jesus said about his opponents in Matthew 12:34-35:
"You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say
anything good?
For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.
"The good man brings good things out of the good stored
up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out
of the evil stored up in him."
2) What is stored up in you?
a) It is easy to tell - what is coming out?
B. Check yourself for the following attitudes.
1) Selfishness.
a) Our aggressive, achievement-oriented world glorifies the
"self."
b) Hope Solo's justification for poor sportsmanship:
"I could not be the player I am without being the person
I am, even when I haven't made the best choices or
said the right things."
1> But even aggressive hard-charging people don't have
to be rude and obnoxious to be successful.
2> You can still be true to yourself while transforming
yourself into something better.
c) The center of bad manners is selfishness.
1> You focus on yourself instead of others.
2) Laziness.
a) Often we know what the right thing to do is, but we
are too lazy to do it.
b) There is always someone else who will pick up the load.
c) Here is a gross example from our church that will stick
with you longer than you want it to:
Recently the custodian was checking out the bathrooms
and found a large brown mess smooshed on the floor.
You can imagine what she thought it was, but it turned
out to be a brownie.
The person who did it should have cleaned it up.
Even the next person who probably stepped on it could
have cleaned it up.
But no one did until the custodian showed up.
Clean up your messes! Clean up other people's messes!
That is what good manners is all about.
3) Thoughtlessness.
a) Small negative actions build upon themselves.
1> You drop one piece of trash and think nothing of it.
2> After a season of people doing this, the highway
berm on the far side of the church parking lot
looks like the Fenimore dump.
b) Counter this with little positive actions.
1> Put your trash in the bin, and put someone else's
there too. I often do this when I am hiking.
2> Sometimes the custodian comes across brown messes,
but she has also come across closets that have
been cleaned and organized, broken things
that have become fixed and blemishes
outside that have been beautified.
3> Every little thing makes a difference.
V. Engage others with a truly Christian love.
A. Be gracious.
1) Give people better than they deserve.
a) Just like God does for you...
1> Notice what Titus 3:5 says.
God saved us out of his love.
It is not because we deserve it, but because
he is merciful by nature.
2> Train your nature to be merciful as well.
b) You may think they need a smack, but give them something
good instead.
c) If traffic is heavy, and someone wants to cut in front
of you, let them.
2) Use kind words even when your temper is hot.
a) Proverbs 15:1 --
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word
stirs up anger."
b) I have seen some appalling conversations on Facebook
recently.
1> It is usually triggered by politics or a social
controversy.
2> But people, good people, end up calling their
best friends terrible names.
3> Before you write something harsh, think twice.
Then think a THIRD time.
4> And if you happen to be the target of the attack,
respond with grace. Try to bring out the good.
B. Be considerate.
1) Open doors for people.
2) Give your seat to someone on a crowded subway.
3) Notice when people are struggling, and offer a hand.
a) (you have to be aware enough to notice!)
4) Never be rude or demeaning to others.
a) As Titus 3:2 says, don't slander anyone, but be
peaceable and considerate.
b) Give compliments on a regular basis.
C. Be positive.
1) Greet people warmly.
a) Hellos are a simple courtesy.
b) Really good manners will ask how they are doing, and
be interested in their answer.
c) Just before I left on vacation, someone came to my
door to deliver something.
He was in a talkative mood, so we had a conversation
about the frustrations of work, and dreams of the
future.
Part of me was thinking, I have a lot to do today, but
I knew this was a moment for ministry.
The man I was talking to was my mailman, Chet Scudder.
Two-and-a-half weeks later, he was dead.
Having the good manners to take a little extra time
for people could make an eternal different for them.
2) Express gratitude.
a) Saying "Thank you" is a simple acknowledgement.
b) Send a card when someone does a special thing for you.
c) Give small gifts out of the blue.
VI. We are called to be light.
A. The world can be a very dark place.
1) Some use that as an excuse to be negative and uncaring.
2) Christians should have a different attitude.
a) Be good to everyone and give some light.
B. Maybe you are dark inside yourself.
1) Have you truly given your heart to Jesus?
2) If you have not, why not do it now?
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SOURCES FOR ILLUSTRATIONS USED IN THIS SERMON:
1. “Hope Solo: USA goalkeeper suspended for six months for 'cowards'
comment,” BBC, 25 Aug 2016; <link>.
Also: “Hope Solo's Behavior, and Play, Spells End With U.S. Team,”
Jonathan Mahler, 25 Aug 2016; <link>.
2. From a 1995 interview by Virginia Shea; <link>.
#65282 “I Can Do Whatever I Want,” Randy Cassingham, “This Is True”
internet newsletter; adapted from a story by KRTV Great Falls
(Montana), 21 Aug 2016.
These and 35,000 others are part of the Kerux database that can be
downloaded, absolutely free, at http://www.holwick.com/database.html
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