Rev. David Holwick Y First Baptist Church Ledgewood, New Jersey July 10, 1994 James 4:1-3 THE VIOLENCE AMONG US ===================== I. Our age of rage. A. Violence has become an epidemic in America. Tacoma, Washington. 1987. Daniel Lynam's brother had called the police because he knew something was wrong. When the police arrived, Lynam warned them to stay back because he didn't want to hurt them. About 10 minutes later the police heard a noise. They went into the comfortable home and discovered that Daniel had taken his life. They also found his wife. -And his 2 year old daughter. -And his 5 week old son. All were dead of gunshot wounds. There was no sign of a struggle. A few hours later they found Daniel Lynam's parents. They were in their 60's, and had been shot while sitting. The same scene unfolded at his in-law's house. In all, eight people were dead. What do his neighbors remember about Daniel Lynam? According to the newspaper account: "Neighbors said the Lynams exchanged waves and smiles but generally kept to themselves. An owner of their condominium described Daniel and Linda Lynam as born-again Christians." #2699 B. Violence is increasing in America. 1) Headline this week in Daily Record: "A Deadly Day in Morris." (Two murders in Morris County) 2) Demographics suggested murder rate should fall with fewer teens. Instead, younger teens murder dramatically more. 3) 600% more likely to be raped than in 1935. C. We are desensitized to violence. 1) Youths see 18,000 murders on TV. -2- 2) One third of police calls are for domestic violence. a) Not in paper, to save embarrassment. b) -Until OJ Simpson case, when everyone gets on bandwagon. 3) Four times a day, a spouse is killed by mate. II. Violence among us? A. James is talking to Christians. 1) He uses strong language: "wars" and fightings. 4:1 a) As bad as church was, were they napalming each other? b) Some believe an actual murder had taken place. 2) Hyperbole for effect. a) Anticlimactic since "covet" follows "murder." 4:2 b) Probably exaggerated language to make a point. c) Jesus also ties anger and murder together. Matt 5:21-22 B. Violence is commonplace, even among Christians. 1) People are not open about it. 2) Fifty percent of wives, even in church, will be abused. 3) Some estimate 10% of all Christian families are abusive on regular basis. C. Abuse destroys the core of God's family. Once there was a little old man. His eyes blinked and his hands trembled. When he ate he clattered the silverware distressingly, missed his mouth with the spoon as often as not, and dribbled a bit of his food on the tablecloth. Now he lived with his married son, having nowhere else to go, and his son's wife didn't like the arrangement. "I can't have this," she said. "It interferes with my right to happiness." So she and her husband took the old man gently but firmly by the arm and led him to the corner of the kitchen. There they set him on a stool and gave him his food in an earthenware bowl. From them on he always ate in the corner, blinking at the table with wistful eyes. -3- One day his hands trembled rather more than usual, and the earthenware bowl fell and broke. "If you are a pig," said the daughter-in-law, "you must eat out of a trough." So they made him a little wooden trough, and he got his meals in that. These people had a four-year-old son of whom they were very fond. One evening the young man noticed his boy playing intently with some bits of wood and asked what he was doing. "I'm making a trough," he said, smiling up for approval, "to feed you and Mamma out of when I get big." The man and his wife looked at each other for a while and didn't say anything. Then they cried a little. Then they went to the corner and took the old man by the arm and led him back to the table. They sat him in a comfortable chair and gave him his food on a plate, and from then on nobody ever scolded when he clattered or spilled or broke things. One of GRIMM'S FAIRY TALES, this anecdote has the crudity of the old, simple days. But perhaps crudity is what we need to illustrate this crude point: a society that destroys the family destroys itself. #1873 III. Where does violence come from? A. An inside problem. 1) We blame outsiders - "She drove me to it." 2) The problem is really inside us. a) Karen Mains - abusive Christian said, "If I can control myself, my wife cannot make me hit her." b) Control and power are key in most abusive relationships. 1> We must have last word and final decision. 2> We want our own selfish needs satisfied. B. Self-seeking pleasure and lust. 1) Pleasure is good - God made it. 2) Like all good things, outside God's will and time, it destroys. -4- 3) Unrestrained pleasure results in frustration. Always. a) Even Christians can get caught up in this. b) Selfish pleasure-> frustration-> violence. (King David) IV. Only God can give satisfaction. A. Self-seeking attitude warps spirituality. 1) People stop praying. a) In our hearts, we don't want to be hypocrites. b) Stop praying long enough, and you won't ever want to. 2) People pray wrong. a) God refuses to answer selfish prayers. b) Overcoat of religion not enough. 1> Most molesters are regular church attenders, devout, conservative in beliefs, and even moralistic. 2> "Spare rod" and "wives, submit!" mentality. 3> James calls it "spiritual adultery." 4> God hates abuse. Malachi 2:16 A> Never an excuse. Confess and change. B. God loves you and can heal abuse. 1) He understands, because Jesus was beaten and abused. a) Perhaps we cannot forget, but God can take edge away. 2) Abusers are loved by God as well. a) God is in the changing business. b) Even if other is partly at fault, deal with yourself. C. Our church should be a reconciling family. 1) We should esteem people not for their power, but their love. 2) Aggressive attitudes and behavior need to be checked. =================================== Original sermon: November 29, 1987 ----------------------------------- I. We live in an age of violence. A. Illustration of Christian who murders family. B. Violence is increasing in America. 1) 600% more likely to be raped than in 1935. C. We are desensitized to violence. 1) Youths see 18,000 murders on TV. 2) One third of police calls are for domestic violence. a) (Not in paper, to save embarrassment) b) (Until OJ Simpson case, when everyone gets on bandwagon) 3) Four times a day, a spouse is killed by mate. II. Where does it come from? A. James uses strong language: fightings and "war." 1) Anticlimatic since "covet" follows "murder." 2) Appropriate for letter written to Christians? a) As bad as church was, were they napalming each other? b) Perhaps exaggerated language to make a point. c) Sad, that sometimes it can be applied literally. 3) Jesus also ties anger and murder together. B. Violence is commonplace, even among Christians. 1) People are not open about it. 2) Fifty percent of wives, even in church, will be abused. 3) Some estimate 10% of all Christian families are abusive on regular basis. III. Forms of abuse. A. Outright violence. B. One-time incident. 1) Usually by men. C. Psychological. 1) Passive aggression. 2) Incest & sexual abuse. a) (number of cases in church) D. Religious justification for abuse. 1) "Spare rod" mentality. 2) "Wives submit" mentality. IV. Source of abuse. A. James: lust and desires within us. 1) Not outside force or person. B. Control and power are key in most abusive relationships. 1) We must have last word and final decision. 2) We want our own selfish needs satisfied. C. Abuse never delivers satisfaction. 1) Only God can. a) If he doesn't satisfy us, it's because we're abusing Him. 2) Two options: a) Serve God. b) Follow the world. 3) Overcoat of religion not enough. a) Most molesters are regular church attenders, devout, conservative in beliefs, and even moralistic. b) James calls it spiritual adultery. V. Deliverance from cycle of violence. A. God loves you and can heal abuse. 1) He understands, because Jesus was beaten and abused. 2) Perhaps we cannot forget, but God can take edge away. B. Seek help. 1) Abused people try to play God. a) Rescue fantasies. 2) Abusers are loved by God as well. a) Even if other is partly at fault, deal with yourself. b) Karen Mains - abusive Christian said, "If I can control myself, my wife cannot make me hit her." 3) Breaking patterns is not easy. C. God hates abuse. Malachi 4:1 (?) 1) Never an excuse. 2) Confess and change. D. God can forgive. 1) He esteems us. 2) Seek reconciliation. 3) Church should be reconciling family. a) Seek more depth in fellowship.