Rev. David Holwick  X
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey        
July 13, 1997                                       
                                                            1 Peter 3:7
                       Ŀ
                         WHAT A HUSBAND HAS TO DO  
                       


    I. Do Christians have to submit to control freaks?

        A. "Submission" theme hits a nerve.

            1) Several church women commented (desperately searching for
                  a verse that makes men submit).

            2) Gale Hull - knows ten Christian women who married Christian
                  control-freak men, and submission almost destroyed them.

        B. Note imbalance.

            1) Women got 7 verses, men get only one.

                a) Reflects the depressed lot of women in ancient times.

                b) One preacher says it's because men aren't too bright
                      and can only handle one instruction at a time.

            2) But men's verse covers a lot of territory, is just as hard.


   II. Marriage must be reciprocal.

        A. "In the same way."

            1) Goes back to 2:13,17, show proper respect to everyone.

            2) Also recalls example of Jesus, which should guide us.

                a) Jesus treated women with purity and integrity.

                b) They felt free to approach him without fear.

                c) Christ refused to treat women as inferiors; instead
                      he gave them power and encouragement.

            3) Apostle Paul says husbands should love their wives
                  just like Jesus loves us, sacrificially.


        B. Responsibility is never just on one side.

            1) Both sides of every relationship have obligations.

            2) Cannot be all privileges with husband and all duties with
                  wife.
            3) In Christian ethic, every privilege has a corresponding
                  obligation.
                                    -2-




        C. New concept in ancient world.

            1) Roman writer Cato:

                 "If you were to catch your wife in an act of infidelity,
                    you can kill her without a care and no fear of a trial;
                  but, if she were to catch you, she would not venture to
                   touch you with her finger, and, indeed, she has no right."

            2) In Christianity, both parties have same standards.


  III. The obligations of a Christian husband:


        A. Be understanding and considerate.

            1) Hardest cruelty can be mere heartlessness.

            2) Chrysostom's advice, 1,600 years ago:

               A husband must never exercise his authority by insulting
                  and abusing his wife.
               Whenever you give your wife advice, always begin by telling
                  her how much you love her.
               Nothing will persuade her so well to admit the wisdom of
                  your words as her assurance that you are speaking to her
                     with sincere affection.

               Show her that you value her company, and prefer being at
                  home to being out.
               Esteem her in the presence of your friends and children.
                  Praise and show admiration for her good acts.
               And if she ever does anything foolish, advise her patiently.

               Finally, never call her by her name alone, but with terms of
                  endearment, honor, and love.
               If you honor her, she won't need honor from others;
                  she won't desire praise from others if she enjoys the
                     praise that comes from you.
               Prefer her before all others, both for her beauty and her
                  discernment, and praise her.
                                                                      #3351

            3) Husbands need to build up communication skills.

                a) Spend time together.  Don't be "ships passing in night."

                b) Listen to non-verbal, as well as verbal, messages.

                c) Use lots of praise.

                   (Pastor and "Pictionary" - it's a plane, idiot!)

                                    -3-




        B. Be chivalrous and show respect.

            1) Weaker partners.

                a) Evidence from past: morally, spiritually, intellectually.

                b) Limited physical only?

                    1> Donner party rescue team, women lasted longer.

                    2> Military - upper body strength.

                c) Women can be easily hurt, so be mindful of it.

                    1> (recent murder - multiple charges of abuse)


            2) Treat your wife, and all women, like a lady.

                a) In East, men ride donkeys while women walk.

                    1> Christianity introduced concept of chivalry.

                b) Give wives attention and honor.

                    1> Value her opinion.

                    2> Treat her to special occasions.


        C. Remember that women have equal spiritual rights.

            1) Christianity brought in this revolutionary idea.

                a) Women did not share in worship of Greeks, Romans, Jews.

                b) (among Orthodox Jews, still don't)


            2) Women are co-heirs with men in spiritual matters.   Gal 3:28

                a) (emphasize Galatians 3:28)

                b) The Spirit is given to both men and women in Acts 2.

                c) Men should be just as concerned about the spiritual
                      welfare of their families as wives are.







                                    -4-




   IV. Bringing down the barriers.

        A. Hindered prayers.

            1) God hinders a thoughtless man's prayers?

                a) Bigg:  "The sighs of the injured wife come between the
                      husband's prayers and God's hearing."

            2) Better, man is hindered from praying together with his
                  wife.

                a) Hard to join in prayer when a relationship is
                      strained.


        B. The joys of marriage must belong to both, or none at all.

            1) God's plan is that by putting the welfare of the other
                  first, both parties will be blessed.

            2) Neither can enjoy the full blessing of life unless the
                  other shares.


        C. Keep horizontal in tune with vertical.

            1) Our relationships with God can never be right, if our
                  relationships with people are wrong.

            2) It is when we are one with each other that we are one
                  with Him.






===========================================================================
TEXT

3:7  Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your
  wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs
  with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your
  prayers.



===========================================================================
ILLUSTRATIONS


CATEGORY: Husband & Wife, Submit, Obedience, Marriage, Chrysostom
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEXT: Eph 5:25-33, 1 Pet 3:1-7
Number: 1776           Hard copy:
SOURCE: Old Sermon
TITLE:
AUTHOR: St. Chrysostom
PAGE:             DATE: 12/5/82         Typist:           ENTERED: 1/23/92
DATE_USED:
ILLUSTRATION__________________________________________________________________
: 1,400 years ago the great Christian preacher named Chrysostom (golden mouth)
              made this comment on our passage:

           "Have you seen the measure of obedience?
              Hear also the message of love.
           Do you want your wife to obey you as the Church does Christ?
              Then care for her as Christ does the Church.
           And if it becomes necessary that you should give your life for
              her, or to be cut to pieces a thousand times,
                 or endure anything whatever, don't refuse it...
           Christ brought the Church to his feet by his great care, not by
              threats or fear or anything else;
                 so should you conduct yourselves toward your wife."

                                                                        #1776

*
CATEGORY: Husbands & Wives, Marriage, Consideration, Ambition, Advice, Esteem,
  Love, Dissatisfaction, Nagging, Complain, Words, Honor
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEXT: Judg 16:16, Prov 5:18f, Prov 12:4, Prov 18:22, Prov 19:13,14, Prov 21:9,
  Prov 25:24, Prov 27:15, Prov 31:10-31, Eccl 9:9, Jer 35:8, Hos 3:1,
  Mal 2:15, 1 Cor 7:2f, 1 Cor 7:33, Eph 5:22-28,33, Col 3:18f, 1 Tim 3:2-11,
  1 Pet 3:1-8
Number: 3351           Hard copy: y
SOURCE: Discipleship Journal, #89
TITLE: How Should Husbands Love Their Wives?
AUTHOR: John Chrysostom (C. 347-407)
PAGE: 118         DATE: 9/1/95          Typist:           ENTERED: 9/12/95
DATE_USED:
ILLUSTRATION__________________________________________________________________
: The great Orthodox preach John Chrysostom (c. 347-407), although an
unmarried priest, gave great advice for married couples.  We should love our
wives not so much for their sake, as for Christ's sake.

What if you devote the day to your work and your friends, and the evening to
your wife; but she is still not satisfied, but is jealous for more of your
time?  Don't be annoyed by her complaints; she loves you, she is not behaving
absurdly - her complaints come form her fervent affection for you.

A wife should never nag her husband:  "You lazy coward, you have no ambition!
Look at our relatives and neighbors; they have plenty of money.  Their wives
have far more than I do."  Let no wife say any such thing.  "But why should
she endure poverty?" some will ask.  If she is poor, let her console herself
by thinking of those who are much poorer still.  If she really loved her
husband, she would never speak to him like that, but would value having him
close to her more than all the gold in the world.  Her husband must never
exercise his authority by insulting and abusing her.  Instead, he should show
true nobility of spirit, and patiently remind her that in the wisdom of
heaven, poverty is no evil.  Then she will stop complaining.

Remove from you lives shameful, immodest, and Satanic music, and don't
associate with people who enjoy such profligate entertainment.

It never profits anyone to talk too much.  Whenever you give your wife advice,
always begin by telling her how much you love her.  Nothing will persuade her
so well to admit the wisdom of your words as her assurance that you are
speaking to her with sincere affection.

Show her that you value her company, and prefer being at home to being out.
Esteem her in the presence of your friends and children.  Praise and show
admiration for her good acts; and if she ever does anything foolish, advise
her patiently.

Pray together at home and go to church; when you come back home, let each ask
the other the meaning of the [Scripture] readings and prayers.

Finally, never call her by her name alone, but with terms of endearment,
honor, and love.  If you honor her, she won't need honor from others; she
won't desire praise from others if she enjoys the praise that comes from you.
Prefer her before all others, both for her beauty and her discernment, and
praise her.

What sort of person do you think the children of such parents will be?  Will
they not eventually be the recipients of countless blessings as well?  For
generally the children acquire the character of their parents, are formed in
the mold of their parent's love, talk in the same fashion, and work for the
same ends.  If we order our lives in this way and diligently study the
Scriptures, we will find lessons to guide us in everything we need!

                                                                        #3351

*
CATEGORY: Marriage, Husband & Wife, Happiness, Fulfillment, Love, Tolstoy
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEXT: Gen 2:18-25, Matt 19:4-6, Eph 5:25-33, 1 Pet 3:1-7
Number: 2156           Hard copy:
SOURCE: Daily Record Newspaper (Parsippany, New Jersey)
TITLE:
AUTHOR: Liz Smith (Quoting Leo Tolstoy)
PAGE:             DATE: 6/14/92         Typist:           ENTERED: 6/15/92
DATE_USED:
ILLUSTRATION__________________________________________________________________
: "The goal of our life should not be to find joy in marriage, but to bring
more love and truth into the world.  We marry to assist each other in this
task.  The most selfish and hateful life of all is that of two beings who
unite in order to enjoy life.  The highest calling is that of the man who has
dedicated his life to serving God and doing good, and who unites with a woman
in order to further that purpose."

                                  Leo Tolstoy, in a letter to his son
                                                                        #2156

*
CATEGORY: Women, Husband & Wife
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEXT: Eph 5:22-24, 1 Pet 3:1-6, 1 Sam 25:3-41
Number: 1745           Hard copy:
SOURCE: William Barclay
TITLE: (From Sermon Of November 28, 1982)
AUTHOR:
PAGE:             DATE:                 Typist:           ENTERED: 1/11/92
DATE_USED: 1/12/92
ILLUSTRATION__________________________________________________________________
: In the Greek world, wives were respected but totally isolated.

            1) Famous philosopher Demosthenes laid down this rule:

               "We have ladies of the evening for pleasure,
                we have mistresses for daily co-habitation;
                we have wives for the purpose of having children legitimately
                  and of having a faithful guardian for our household."

            2) Philosopher Socrates shows how companionship was not valued:

               "Is there anyone to whom you entrust more serious matters
                   than to your wife -
                And is there anyone to whom you talk less?"

        B. Among Jews, wives fared a little better.

            1) But they still had a low view of marriage.

            2) Man's prayer:  "Thank you that you have not made me a Gentile,
                  a slave, or a woman."

            3) In Jewish law, women were not persons, but things;
                  they were absolutely their husbands' possession.  [1745]

*
CATEGORY: Family, Leadership, Discipline, Acceptance, Cherish Spouse,
  Husband & Wife
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TEXT: Prov 19:11, Prov 29:15, Prov 20:30, Eccl 8:11, Rom 15:7*, Eph 5:22-33,
  1 Tim 3:4, 1 Tim 5:17, 1 Pet 3:1-7
Number: 3754           Hard copy:
SOURCE: Discipleship Journal, #77
TITLE: The Best-kept Secrets Of Family Life, Part 2
AUTHOR: Scott Morton
PAGE: 102         DATE: 9-1-93          Typist:           ENTERED: 5/23/96
DATE_USED:
ILLUSTRATION__________________________________________________________________
: More secrets on having a successful family:

    I. The secret of management.

   II. Only one in the lead.

  III. The secret of limits.
        A. Discipline on purpose, not as a reaction.    1 Pet 3:9
        B. Be consistent, be quick.                     Eccl 8:11
        C. Make sure the discipline exacts a cost.      Prov 20:30
        D. Overlook a lot of foolishness.               Prov 19:11

   IV. The secret of acceptance.      Rom 15:7
        A. Write down spouse's traits you like.
        B. Write down spouse's traits you dislike.
            1) Thank God for them.
        C. Ask self: what can I do to help my spouse become happy?

                                                                        #3754

*

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